Me: Hi honey, how was school today?
Me: What did you guys do?
ID: We drew and went to computers and wrote about things we wear when it’s cold out.
Me: Wow, that sounds great.
ID: (out of nowhere) Mom, I kissed Anne Stuart today.
Me: (whirling around to face him) Huh?
ID: I kissed her right on the face and then on my worksheet I spelled the word “hot”.
Me: Huh? Why hot?
ID: Because Anne Stuart is hot, and she’s my new girlfriend so I learned to spell it for her. Then I showed her.
Me: What did she say? Wait, back up, who told you about girls being hot?
ID: The TV people, and E & G (siblings)
Me: Honey, girls don’t like the word hot, they like to be called “pretty” or “special”. Well maybe not special but you need to find nicer words for them if you want them to like you back.
ID: She liked when I called her hot, and she liked the kiss.
*Long awkward silence*
Me: So, do you want to go to McDonald’s?
Note: Although it would be incredibly fitting I am not referring to the emperor as “ID”. It’s just short for Il Duce.