Probably the last thing I'll ever see.
Sometimes I get the unnerving feeling that my kids are out to get me.
Not the usual my kids are sucking the marrow from my bones and I have not one iota of energy or sense of self left to keep me alive type of getting me.
This is malice aforethought.
I’ll site you some random examples from the last few days.
1) When a pollster for Adrian Fenty arrived at my door to ask me if he could count on my support during the upcoming election, I felt a gentle shove from behind pushing me over the threshold onto the front porch. Then I heard the distinct dreaded sound of the door locking behind me. No matter how hard I smashed on the windows or how loud I screamed, I wasn’t getting in.
2) They spent the better part of an hour-long road trip throwing dangerous projectiles inside the car. Several times I thought they had enough velocity to smash out the front windshield. After a dressing down they decided to make the sound of the little boy from The Grudge for the rest of the ride fraying what was left of my two very unstable nerves.
3) My boys were playing whack a mole with bowling pins and various household objects until we refocused them on something less destructive where they sent a small furry stuffed animal back and forth on the floor. Much better right?
They decided this furry mammal was a beaver and kept smashing it with the bowling pins screaming “BEAVER SHOT!” at the top of their lungs. My husband and I were paralyzed with fear unsure if we were being baited or if it really was an innocent mistake.
Filed under afternoon time wasters, am I doing anything right?, bad parenting, I don't know how to end a blog post, i don't like mondays, I have 3, i love kids, I REALLY DO, il duce is five, interesting things I saw today, kids, kids and parenting, kids growing up, kids that don't fit the mold, kids that like cursewords, kids with potty mouth, monday blahs
Here’s a question for you. What do you do if one of your kids suffers from a chronic case of potty mouth? Soap? Time out? Throw your shoe in a fit of rage? I’ve gotten past the point where I pretend to be aghast and make a spectacular attempt at show parenting. “My heavens”! I would exclaim with mock surprise. Then I would shake my head and commiserate with the parents witnessing this spectacle.”He must have heard that from Johnny Smith, you KNOW what a filthy mouth that heathen has”. So when I look at things now, sometimes I see them bathed in a new light. The light of someone who’s kid exclaimed last week that “It’s so freaking hot out here, our asses are burning RIGHT OFF!” when the class spent the afternoon on the outdoor playground during a spell of unseasonably warm weather.
Imagine my quandary then, when I read the phonics letter that the fours class will be covering next week. F. Yes, the letter f starts so many wonderful words, fun, frolic, fish, fancy, but I am 100% positive that I already know the word my son will offer up when they go around the circle and ask with naive glee “do YOU know an f word?”
You KNOW I'm going to say it.