Someone recently very kindly pointed out to me that blogs occasionally contain some personal information about the author and their daily lives. This voyeuristic quality apparently makes it fun to quietly watch them go about their business while getting a peek into their brain.
This of course was a nice but passive aggressive way to let me know that me and my life are not at all present in the things I write.
Sure, occasionally I like to fume over the mindless jaywalker who stepped into oncoming traffic while I was on the road or reveal the horrifying incident at the Chipotle that took place only hours after my young son learned that ladies did in fact have vaginas instead of wieners but for the most part I leave my day-to-day happenings at the doormat when I step over the WordPress threshold.
After so many years of working diligently to not be vulnerable, needy or a pain in somebody elses ass, I’d almost forgotten how brilliant it is to see a person write something stripped down and bare enough that it makes them look completely human.
I’m not exactly sure when vulnerability and truth fell so out of fashion in my mind but there are days when all this autonomous droning about impersonal subjects and flaunting my “independence” gets tedious.
To exert so much energy in opposition to what I really feel at times is exhausting. It’s a struggle that results in exactly what I don’t want.
More isolation.Less warmth.
Since I am slow to absorb the most basic changes in routine, I’ll need to marinate in this sea of change for a few hours before I can produce a worthwhile post on the terrible new development of vagrants shitting in my garage.
Seriously. It’s either a guy without access to indoor plumbing, an urban Yeti or a bear that’s escaped from the zoo.
Filed under a screw loose, adversity, am I doing anything right?, Back to basics, bad writing about nothing, buffoonery, crap shack, crazy ramblings, do this for me, do you really have the time to read about my life, don't destroy my dreams, don't take a crap in my garage please, excuses, foul language in preschool, getting it together, good smells bad smells, hidden grammar errors and bad writing, hole in my life, I can't spell, I can't end a story OR a blog post, I complain too much, I enjoy being inferior, i like to pretend, I need to get an original thought, I run fast, i said it was uncategorizable, I'm a hack, I'm a jerk!, I'm all over the map, make it more personal
1. America’s Most Hated Harpie Takes Talons Out of Sex God.
First off, let me get out my “team Anniston” jersey that I sported proudly in support of America’s girl next door, even though she never asked me too, when she was unceremoniously ejected from the worlds most beautiful power couple. Because, DID YOU HEAR? Brad and Angie are OVER!!!!! Now she can stop beating him for his sperm to use and then sucking the life force out of his once dreamy eyes with her vampire undead ways. Now I can spend the rest of the evening fending off barbs from my friends about how spending too much time on US Magazine and People.com rots your brain and proves to others that you are unworthy of their time. Well, screw you high falutin’ pals of mine. Not everything I post smacks of Yeats, or has a whiff of James Joyce. I also have no real grasp of the english language or any discernable talent but the lack of these very vital skills has never stopped me from jumping in with both feet before.
2. Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run.
I found out the difference between a big problem and a little problem from a loud lady with a spiky Kate Gosselin hairdo and got ready to part with my dignity as a parent and a wad of cash.
3. Movies Have the Power to Make Everything All Better.
A surprise viewing of “Say Anything” helped me remember that “Joe lies, Joe lies when he cries” and that Lloyd Dobler was really awesome.
4. What’s That Smell?
Discarded pine tree needles make a fantastic room deodorizer if you can ignore the fact that they have formed a number of tumbleweeds together with the dog hair, dust and bits of scut that fall off the kids in buckets.
5. A Hop Skip and a Jump.
I became concerned about one of my sons running skills when I noticed that he was attempting to kick himself in his own ass during a basketball game. When asked if this was on purpose he laughed and told me it was fun and that he had even managed to get himself once or twice. Marketable skill or another reason to be worried?
6. I’m No Good With A Grudge.
Oh Sting. I know I sometimes mock in anger but I really did love the beard and I’m going to confess to really digging that freaking “Winter” album (still NO on the lute) but you punched a hole in my diaphragm and sucker punched me in the heart when I saw you play with The Roots to benefit Haiti. Dude, you rock.