Category Archives: giving up

Things are Not as They Appear.

This Sunday I had myself a true Judas Iscariot moment.

I denied knowing my own children at the grocery store.

Then I stopped after reading that last line and asked myself  “Hey girl who spent her whole life chained to a pew in parochial school! WHO was it now that denied Jesus three times?” “Why YES you moron that would be Peter.”

Judas sounds so much more theatrical though, so I’m keeping it even thought it is not historically accurate.

While waiting patiently in the checkout line my two boys began to act a little squirrely.

They were redirected to the front of the store near the exits brought there by my beleaguered mother who was lacking her usual sharp tongue and was hanging there like a limp dishrag due to a debilitating migraine.

 This means that the boys were running in circles, screaming about having a girlfriend, punching each other, jumping off the bench my mother was passing out on, smashing the video machine with the dollar rentals and accosting the automatic lotto dispenser.

Two über uptight couples with pursed thin lips were starting to shake their heads in disbelief and exchanging disgusted looks with each other at the volume and sheer audacity of the two unruly boys and their comatose caretaker.

“So rude and disrespectful” noted one.

“Why isn’t she doing anything to control them?” asked the other.

Then Il Duce let loose with a rank profanity followed by a roaring hysterical cackle and I watched them gasp with horror.

They were truly disgusted.

“CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!” they croaked, looking at me.

I thought for a moment. There were thousands of ways I could go here but I opted for betrayal.

“I know!” I commiserated, as I lugged the rest of my fresh produce onto the belt.

I didn’t feel nearly as bad as I know I should have but it was just so much easier to cut and run regarding knowing this lot than to try to explain them to someone who wouldn’t care.

After scooping my mother up off the bench and driving her back home so she could suffer her mind exploding agony alone on her couch I spoke briefly to the boys about minding their behavior in public. But my pleas fell on deaf ears as they were both fast asleep in the back.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under 1, adversity, am I doing anything right?, bad manners, bad parenting, being shallow and crass, boys with serious attitude, buffoonery, can I have a normal day, cowards, crazy ramblings, disasters, discipline, giving up, I complain too much, I don't know how to end a blog post, i don't like mondays, i love kids, I REALLY DO, I'm not as effective in a bad situation as I thought I would be, kids, kids and parenting, kids that like cursewords, random observations

What Happened To You?

This is not me, but I feel like I understand where she is coming from.

Currently on the second day of marinating in my own filth, I have finally summoned the will to get out of the chair and head up to the shower. How does someone get to such a point? Actually, this is amateur hour compared to the down in the trenches battle hardened resolve I had when my kids were really small. I think I hold the world record for consecutive days without bathing. Two weeks, if I remember correctly. I knew when my  husbands eyes started to water every time he came close to me that I might be pushing the envelope. Those were the times when night blurred into day and you never had any idea what day of the week it was much less gave a crap about what you looked like. Survival, stolen minutes of sleep and the occasional glimpse of sunlight and gasp of fresh air. That’s all you needed to make it.

Now I have no excuse.  The stretched out terry cloth yoga pants that call to me daily from the dirty hamper to put them on instead  of the stiff ill-fitting jeans that go SO much better with the Old Navy sweater I just purchased are clearly trying to tell me something. At what point did warm comfort trump fashion sense, common decency and looking respectable in public?

This past week we spent countless hours watching marathon jags of TLC (the only network where the prerequisite for snagging your own show is the ability to use your uterus as a clown car) and every time I looked down I noticed that at least two of us were wrapped in a Snuggie. That’s right, we have three.  Laugh if you will (and I know you will) but we were really warm and happy.

That’s why things like the Snuggie are a very dangerous slippery slope for people like me. First you are all cozied up on your couch with your similarly attired family and then you find yourself unable to leave the comfort and warmth of your spot and you start sending for help to bring the Doritos bag and glass of iced tea.

It’s not as if I’ve totally thrown in the towel. There WAS that expensive trip to the salon a few weeks ago to vanquish grey roots and snip dead ends and I am planning to get myself a few post holiday sale items this week.

So my New Year’s promise to myself is to man up and start wearing clothes that qualify as “non-vagrant” wear.  I will make an effort to spare the public scorched retinas and scrunched noses by showering and using all those fancy products that sit in my bathroom. And finally I vow to never don the Snuggie before nine in the evening with the understanding that it is never to be worn outside the house. (Sorry mailman)

10 Comments

Filed under 1, bad tastes, being lazy, comfort trumps fashion, crazy ramblings, giving up, old people are always cold, snuggies rock

The Rise and Fall of Il Duce

You just wait until I can talk.

You just wait until I can talk.

 

No, no, no, not again…….

After a particularly grueling evening of bed time shenanigans all I needed was one incident free day to recharge my batteries but alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I dropped my youngest into his classroom than I was dragged into a conference room to discuss the “options” we were considering for kindergarten next year.  Suggestions, including several schools for the criminally insane, were offered up to help steer us in the right direction. They were trying to make it as clear as possible that my kid was not cut out for traditional education. I sat quietly and listened again to some of the same things I’ve heard for years.  Too active, contrarian, bad temper, bad language, threatening to kill anyone who annoys or doesn’t listen to him, blah, blah, blah, blah. Our family have lived  life under fascist rule for four years now, these guys can’t even handle two months of oppressive dictatorship- man up people!

Honestly guys, I get it. He’s either a hopeless sociopath heading for an epic crime spree or to a third world country where he can stage a coup and rule with an iron fist for fifty years. Sheesh, give a parent some hope would you?

What about his bizarre sense of humor? Or his infectious laugh? The fact that he is wonderfully smart and loves hugs and kisses, that’s got to count for something.  He feels things far more deeply than my other two and is adept at noticing even the slightest change in your mood. Too bad most of his good qualities are lost on most people who meet him. He’s difficult and sometimes impossible to teach so I will obligingly see another in what promises to be a long line of psychological professionals and who knows? Maybe someone out there has an answer  or even an effective method. It sure can’t hurt to try.

Leave a comment

Filed under difficult child, difficult kids, foul language in preschool, giving up, kids and parenting, kids with potty mouth, kindergarten options