Category Archives: fun

Neighbors

I was carrying out my two bags of rancid garbage this afternoon when I noticed my peculiar neighbor, who arranges my supercans in size order, sitting dejectedly underneath his little porch.

Normally I like to hiss quietly at him from behind my clenched teeth but his demeanor was enough to stop me in my tracks and start me wondering what was amiss.

I looked at my bins and noticed they were crooked and falling over at odd angles, not at all like I had come to expect them to be after he made a point to sneak out every morning and obsessively roll them around until they were aligned and aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

He must be dying, I thought to myself.

After waving and depositing my bags I ran off worried that something was really wrong.

While I sat around for long periods of time that would have been better spent cleaning or doing productive things for society, I noticed a wave of change happening across the alley that was like a sad tsunami. With all the destruction and death they leave in their wake I suppose there really isn’t any other kind of emotion you can attribute to a killer wall of water that annihilates everything in its path but I felt the need to qualify.

Two houses down from bin arranger we had a new neighbor.

And in the few short days he’d been there he had made a monstrous impact.

I now call him garage roof guy.

He has all but set up shop on the roof of his ramshackle backyard parking area making it a veritable Shangri-la of alfresco dining and all night wine sipping.

He begins grilling early in the evening, grumbling at anyone who dares to show up near his imaginary barrier whether it be the smoke from your steak on the barbecue flying into his sensitive eyes or your music that’s too loud for him to properly carry on his asshole conversation with his wispy wife, he’s going to give you the stink eye and make you wish you’d never stepped over the threshold dividing his world and yours.

Your world, in case you were unaware, is the we just got into this neighborhood by the skin of our teeth before the prices shot to the moon one. His world is the I didn’t pay a million fucking dollars to watch these Deliverance people gnaw on chicken bones and speak in a way that offends my sensitive ears one.

It struck me as the perfect foil. The two oddest people on the face of the earth coming together in a warm neighborly union that could straighten the riff raff right out of the lesser inhabitants waddling around here, but it had the opposite effect.

Bin man was sad, drooping, feeling he’d lost his place.

He was alone while garage top dweller hung over the rickety metal side of his world and glared down at the window where my husband sat working in his office apparently making too much racket for the rooftop meal to go off as planned.

Later on I intend to go out and arrange my garbage cans in an effort to lure bin man out of his funk.

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Filed under fun, I tried to take a photo of garage dweller and he caught me, nabbed, neighbors

Happy New Year.

 

Hold onto your pocketbook.

Let’s all imagine together for a moment shall we, that 2009 was a stellar year filled with happiness and brimming with the kind of hope they write about in inspirational literature. You attained every goal. You reached for the lofty heights and dammit you managed to touch them. The sky was the limit and you soared into the upper stratosphere with ease and precision leaving all those pitiful ground dwellers behind choking on the smoke of your rocket boots.
Now, snap the fuck out of it and come back to reality.
Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve. Don’t drink too much and see me in the morning.

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Filed under 1, 2009, 2010, alternate reality, dreams, fun, new year's eve

For Those Who Helped Us Rock, We Salute You

We're with the band. Or at least we like to pretend we are.

It’s been over twenty years since I last ran screaming down an alley after a hastily retreating tour bus hollering for its occupants to validate my existence with a wave or a smile. So tonight in order to honor the girl I was and the bands that played on the soundtrack of my youth, I plan to eat a generous helping of humble pie. I’ve spent so much time demanding my pound of flesh from defunct 80’s supergroups that I forgot to take a moment to say thank you. That’s right, I stand before Stewart, Sting, & Andy and give thanks for all the albums, the rigorous touring schedule and  the peroxide. You were the cherry on the cake of an almost perfect decade. While I wish I hadn’t been outfitted in wool jumpers, knee socks and pig tails so that I could have whored around backstage with the rest of the  groupie skanks that  hung barnacle like in the  concrete hallways leading to the dressing rooms, I still had a great time stalking them under the watchful eye of my befuddled parents. This also gives me the added advantage of NOT being riddled with numerous STD’s , so for that I’m also grateful. The Cure, R.E.M., the Go Go’s, The Smith’s, Squeeze, the B-52’s etc. thank you for all the fun. 

After careful consideration I also realized I would be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to the brothers Copeland, hell the ENTIRE Copeland family for having a hand in crafting the careers of over half of the bands I listened to as a kid. 

Warning: Uncalled for off topic rant coming….. 

Here I would like to go off on a massive tangent related to the above mentioned family. The Copeland family connection is clearly the vital missing link in the history books between overwhelming  band success or failure. Clearly, being a Copeland carries with it the implication that it is genetically impossible to fail. I think they even tried it once or twice, but it didn’t work. Failure = sticky eggs. Copeland’s= teflon pan. It just falls off of them and onto the floor. Sunday brunch with this clan must be hell. Can you imagine how fraught with boasting and one-upmanship this meal is? Hey, I single-handedly changed the entire middle east! I just wrote two well received books-WHILE I WAS SITTING HERE! Oh yeah, I composed two operas, founded a band that took over the world, wrote a book , produced seven kids, and wrote and directed a movie! I just quietly prevented Armageddon using only the power of my mind (that last one was   Miles, he scares me). 

I hate to think what would have become of me had I not had all this great music to distract me from my school work and what could have been a higher calling. I suspect that I could have amounted to something fairly important (doctor, lawyer, missionary?) or I could have just flailed around blindly and become a classic rock fan with bad hair and too much Covergirl charcoal black eyeliner.  But, it is as it was meant to be. New Wave and I found each other and the rest is history.

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Filed under 1, andy summers, appreciation, brain waves, crazy ramblings, fun, groupies, music, new wave music, powerful families, saying thank you, stewart copeland, sting, the police

Boo

002

Oh Halloween I love you. Crazy outfits, severed body parts, gravestones and zombies are such a pagan delight. This year the festivities fall on a week-end insuring a three-day free for all. After shepherding our kids to two separate soirees and then to the school costume sock hop I looked back on the costumes of years past.  Various Skywalker family members, Stormtroopers, Yoda, Princess on a pony and Snow White were the nostalgic get ups of yester year. Now I have to endure undead cheerleaders, the villan from the Scream movies, half-rotted zombie clowns from the netherworld, meh. How about some sparkle and pizzazz people? My youngest is going as Wolverine this year so I can still stroll down the lane without having to explain to a thousand aghast parents of toddlers that my older two aren’t  trying to terrify their visibly trembling children. They will wait until the bonfires of Lamont Street are fully blazing to head out and do their trick or treating.

Have a safe and happy Halloween!

003

trick or treat?

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David and Me

In less than ten hours I will be in the same room with David Sedaris. There are only two people who I know of that can be counted on to make me laugh (I mean really laugh, not chuckle, or giggle) regularly. One is my husband, the other is David. David also makes millions of other people laugh and that is why we all pay money to sit in the same room with him and pray that he will make us his best friend after the reading and book signing. Sure David, we’d love to go get a fancy cocktail with you! It’s a shame that none of us are really worthy, and so probably will miss out on that social opportunity to get to know him better.
My seats are close enough that I’m sure if I threw I quarter I would have an excellent chance of hitting him, but I would never do that, because I love David and I want him to keep writing books and coming to readings.
I am finding that I am so genuinely gleeful about getting a chance to see him, that I have no snarky musings or quirky observations to share about what I feel is a wonderful opportunity. Just thankful that tickets were available and excited to see David in the flesh.

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Filed under authors we love, David sedaris, excitement, fun, lisner auditorium