Hot Blooded, Check It & See.

Trying to get a fitted sheet on the bottom bunk bed mattress is like wrangling with the oily dead body of a 800lb giant in a dark low cave while trying to dress him in a wetsuit: difficult but not impossible.

And so, that phrase (difficult but not impossible) became my mantra over the last week and a half as I struggled to complete everyday tasks with an alarmingly high fever and an appalling lack of sound decision-making skills.

I drove to and fro, made appointments, spent time talking on the phone, actually turned a few things in prior to deadline, and attended a seminar where there were dancing squirrels, a sad minotaur who spoke in Mr. Belvedere’s voice and the keynote speaker was Val Kilmer.

The flu makes everything possible.

Anyway, I’m nearly fully recovered at this point so I can look back and laugh at the several thousand foolish decisions I made during my sickness, but there was no denying that firmly believing my dog was speaking to me in French was the highlight of day two.

And for all you naysayers that insist that just because I listen to the ’40s station on Sirius XM radio does not mean that I am walking around in a rain-swept Woody Allen movie all day long were proven wrong when my body temperature reached 103 and I distinctly recall running into Alvy Singer and Annie Hall in my kitchen while they cooked lobsters.

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16 Comments

Filed under annie hall, dancing squirrels, high fevers, sick, talking dogs, the flu, why is it always Val Kilmer, you can do anything when your body temp is high enough

16 responses to “Hot Blooded, Check It & See.

  1. The lobsters wont cook themselves!

    • dufmanno

      At least it wasn’t a scene from any of the Mia Farrow vehicles. I’ve always liked his chemistry with Diane Keaton much better.

  2. I’d like to know what the dog said to you in French…and I’ve had to go google your post title, as I know it’s from a rock song, and the title escapes me and if I don’t find out soon, I will be up all night, wondering…(yes, I’m sad that way…)

    • dufmanno

      Foreigner off the Double Vision album. HOT blooded, check it and see!I got a fever of a hundred and three!

      • Yep, I found that out about 2 seconds ago, great song, and they were pretty good, but then, they recorded that horrible soppy horror the one that goes ‘I wanna know what love is’ I cannot quote more or I’ll barf…ugh

      • dufmanno

        also she made a sort of waouh waouh sound and then said Je t’aime.

  3. Ugh, the flu is bad. And having the flu and changing sheets is like being buried up to your neck in sand and finding out that the red ants all over you you are telling old Henny Youngman jokes as they eat your face. I’m glad you are better.

    • dufmanno

      I am now convinced you had the same strain of flu that felled me. Why must red ants ALWAYS go for the face.

  4. Well, at least it was entertaining. And the dog wasn’t speaking German. That’s when shit gets weird.

    • dufmanno

      The great part about having a fever is that you are perpetually high without all the wasted money. Every single thing was funny. Like when I swerved and made that cab driver shit his pants- that was hysterical. I thought my car was being attacked by a turkey vulture.

  5. Oh you poor baby! Or maybe you are the lucky one. You were in so many woody Allen movies!

    • dufmanno

      I wanted so desperately to show up in a scene from Manhattan Murder Mystery or Crimes and Misdemeanors but I stayed mostly in the 70s

  6. glad to hear you are feeling better 😉
    also, i see your “bottom bunk bed mattress” and raise it with changing sheet here…
    http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S59872897/

    • dufmanno

      IKEA has always confounded me with their bedding. Why would you hire some sort of lunatic to head up this department? Nothing has proper corners and the sheets fly off if you breath on them. That said, I’ll cop to having three IKEA beds and mattresses in this house along with two sets of “sheets” It makes me sad.

  7. macdougalstreetbaby

    I was up on the top bed of my kids’ bunk bed, changing sheets and praying to those crazy gods not to let the structure buckle, when I noticed the curtains were riddled with globs of snot. Apparently my child is too lazy to get herself a tissue in the middle of the night. I’m just happy she didn’t use the walls.

    I second a bourbon for silvia. Glad you’re feeling better.

    • dufmanno

      Curtain of snot. That’s excellent. I have one kid who gnaws the wood off the railing of his bed in chunks like a complete savage. I was like, “what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you eating your freaking bed?” I STILL don’t have a real answer.

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