I Wanna Know

Someone recently very kindly pointed out to me that blogs occasionally contain some personal information about the author and their daily lives. This voyeuristic quality apparently makes it fun to quietly watch them go about their business while getting a peek into their brain.

This of course was a nice but passive aggressive way to let me know that me and my life are not at all present in the things I write.

Sure, occasionally I like to fume over the mindless jaywalker who stepped into oncoming traffic while I was on the road or reveal the horrifying incident at the Chipotle that took place only hours after my young son learned that ladies did in fact have vaginas instead of wieners but for the most part I leave my day-to-day happenings at the doormat when I step over the WordPress threshold.

After so many years of working diligently to not be vulnerable, needy or a pain in somebody elses ass, I’d almost forgotten how brilliant it is to see a person write something stripped down and bare enough that it makes them look completely human.

I’m not exactly sure when vulnerability and truth fell so out of fashion in my mind but there are days when all this autonomous droning about impersonal subjects and flaunting my “independence” gets tedious.

To exert so much energy in opposition to what I really feel at times is exhausting. It’s a struggle that results in exactly what I don’t want.

More isolation.Less warmth.

Since I am slow to absorb the most basic changes in routine, I’ll need to marinate in this sea of change for a few hours before I can produce a worthwhile post on the terrible new development of vagrants shitting in my garage.

Seriously. It’s either a guy without access to indoor plumbing, an urban Yeti or a bear that’s escaped from the zoo.

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23 Comments

Filed under a screw loose, adversity, am I doing anything right?, Back to basics, bad writing about nothing, buffoonery, crap shack, crazy ramblings, do this for me, do you really have the time to read about my life, don't destroy my dreams, don't take a crap in my garage please, excuses, foul language in preschool, getting it together, good smells bad smells, hidden grammar errors and bad writing, hole in my life, I can't spell, I can't end a story OR a blog post, I complain too much, I enjoy being inferior, i like to pretend, I need to get an original thought, I run fast, i said it was uncategorizable, I'm a hack, I'm a jerk!, I'm all over the map, make it more personal

23 responses to “I Wanna Know

  1. I know that I’ve read at least a few telling posts from you, or at least I viewed them as such. It’s very nice to read often enough to feel like you know a person, which I think we’ve done.

    Also, sorry about your garage, and please leave paper and little plastic bags out there next time. Nobody likes wind on the wiener in this climate.

    • dufmanno

      I never should have let the junk man haul that old toilet out of there! Anyway, I’ll be sure to leave all the bathroom niceties and a magazine rack with all the best tabloids. Don’t be a stranger, come in and say “hi” after you’ve dropped the kids off at the pool.

    • i totally agree with you- to get to know a bit a person. DEspite my limited time to check on my favourite bloggers, l know exactly (l like to think) who is who 🙂

  2. Tom G.

    Is this you’re way of saying that you’re really a 300 lb serial killer? Because if it is then Jon owes me $20.

    Also leave a roll of TP in the garage (even though we know the Dufmanno household is always dangerously low on it. SEE! You do share personal details!. Digressing…) if the culprit uses the tp it’s a vagrant. If not, I’d go with the Bear. Yeti are notoriously picky about where they shit.

    • dufmanno

      How could I have forgotten taking readers on a trip through one particularly harrowing ass wiping incident? God I DO share!!!
      Here is the bleach wipe for your hands and some drano to drink on the way out since no one should be left with that kind of residue after reading.
      Also, being the Sherlock Holmes of shit detectives I cannot believe I’ve not seen the mystery crapper running down the alley.
      It’s probably bin arranger, naked shower guy or garage rooftop griller exacting revenge.

  3. Yes, you share more than you realise. I think, we all do. For example, I share that er…like that band, you know, with those 3 blonde blokes from the 1980’s, and also, I like that other band, also from the 80’s, them 4 gothy looking blokes, with the pretty one who sang in a deep serious voice, oh and I’m also undead…or at least, feel undead most of the time *goes back to coffin*

    • dufmanno

      I actually went back through some of the posts and now I sort of have evidence to prove that I do occasionally lift the curtain and show everyone in. I suppose it’s the lack of everyday chit chat about husband and children that make it seem like I’ve got things at arms length while I type but I always worry about revealing too much about someone who hasn’t given me permission to talk about them.
      Stew, STing and Andy on the other hand? They are fair game.

      • Ooh, baby… You lift that curtain. Grrrawr.

      • I know exactly what you mean but I think the only one who has to worry, is naked shower guy, and see, he doesn’t even know we’re discussing him a the moment, and for all I know, he could be at this very second, be taking one of his showers…

        Oh yeah, them boys are fair game, particularly Sting, who appears to have finally finished his trip going up his own arse once and for all and has built a mansion up there…

      • As far as the Sting rectum thing goes, that’s one anal palace I’m sure everyone would like to visit.
        I think I just helped this post cross some sort of line. I heard a bell ring and I smell sulphur.

  4. They have what? Was I supposed to get some sort of notice on that?

    • I try to make sure you get an update in real time. All urgent notices get a tiny waving red flag! Like we are at sea and I’m Foxtrot, Delta, Whiskey-ing you.

  5. Oh wait. I shouldn’t write a post about how I was screeching “You went poopie in the potty!” to my 2.5 year old grandson on the cell phone today, while in line at the Rite Aid?

  6. Can’t it be all three?

  7. Oh. So I should really write more about my sex life? okey doky…

    You know what this post reveals about you? You love torturing your adoring readers! So now I have to leave the bath room without knowing what happened with the vagrants shitting in your garage? Fine.be that way!

    • Tom G.

      Can we get a show of hands for all the people that read Kelly’s blog while in the bathroom?

    • After my morning duties are performed, I’m going out to have a closer look at this garage situation.
      I suspect there might be an entire subculture sprouting up in there at night consisting of restless insomniac cats, graffiti artists and homeless people who wipe with plastic tarps. Wish you were here cause I could use a Watson for my Sherlock. We’d solve this in record time.

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