(* I am putting this sentence wedged comfortably between these unnecessary parenthesis to say that I’m not entirely sure WHERE the hell this kooky rambling came from. I mean, it’s not like some horrible thing came along and wrested control from my steely little talons recently or anything, sheesh. Sometimes I just puzzle myself.*)
Control is a funny thing.
We seek it out constantly in our daily lives and pride ourselves on having attained it.
Control your temper, your emotions, your kids, your dog, your career. Get a death grip on your whole existence or it will slip away and then return later under cover of darkness to beat you about the head and face area.
We are so terrified of controls cruel stepsister chaos that we would do ANYTHING to avoid her. Imagine the explosive primordial goo we’d have to scrub off of everything if wild anarchy were allowed to grow full and bloated until it drenched everything in its rank expulsions. Looting in the streets! Cats and dogs living together! Legions of id driven savages missing appointments with their shrinks and (gasp) not even calling to reschedule!
When I hear large groups of clucking gossipmongers toasting their latest victim I notice the target of their vitriol is usually some poor schmuck who’s lost a handle on something. Mr. Shamalamadingdong sure used to have it together but did you see him come unhinged? Poor bastard. That was some undignified display!
Why does passion so often get mistaken for insanity and what is the dividing line? If I’m steaming mad about something, I’d like to be able to holler at the source of my pain, not worry about how I’ll be perceived as a loose screw by the blandly calm and beige crew.
Every once in a while I take off my Matrix glasses and remember that it’s all an illusion I carefully construct to make myself feel better. The fifty personal safety classes I insisted on taking make me no less immune to that car accident or grave mistake that’s written in the future annals of things to come but I like to kid myself that it does. Having no control sucks.
This mirage that blocks out the sharp edges of uncertainty makes us feel like we’ve got it by the horns. We are powerful and the fates dare not take away what is ours. It’s impossible to live through a lifetime and not run up against the sad truth and then succumb to it.