Dear Bold, Unrepentant , Jay Walker;
I’d like to take a moment to apologize to you for the incident that took place not more than an hour ago on a busy six lane road that you defied with only your quick sprint and the power of your crazy eyes.
The glowering hate stare as you pounced unannounced into fast-moving traffic only served to further confuse and annoy the motorists who were lurching at top speeds to get to the next red light.
The fact that you stepped not gingerly but sure-footed into the path of oncoming vehicles daring them to kill you was surpassed only by the bold move of bringing your two offspring into the fray with you.
I imagine that’s just he kind of chutzpah that built the Roman Empire and helped Napoleon conquer Europe, bravo!
Thank Goodness your zany madcap waltz across Wisconsin Avenue with nary a cross walk in sight happened to bring you in front of my relatively sane moving car as I was inclined to hit the brakes even while watching your defiant glare that was daring me to smash my foot down upon the gas and teach you a motherfucking lesson.
“Go Ahead” you seemed to be saying “I’d like to see you try”
Well guess what aggressive street crossing lady?
I wasn’t raised here in the DC metro area where everyone is imbued with the respect and courtesy that should be afforded to all people walking in or near a road. My upbringing taught me that “kill or be killed” is pretty much the rule of the land and that people who deviate from this rule usually end up dead or in jail.
It took a LOT of self-restraint not to teach you a lesson that could have landed us a prime spot on the five o’clock news but the wide terrified looks on the faces of your kids helped me dial it back a notch and see the big picture.
Perhaps some day while you are railing against the rolling masses of metal that stop you from dancing around in what used to be an open field there will be a brief second when the crazy glasses will be knocked from the front of your delusional face and you will see the actual danger in doing something like that.
There is consolation in knowing however that one of your kids will probably push you out into traffic as payback.