Pedestrians ALWAYS Have the Right of Way

Dear Bold, Unrepentant , Jay Walker;

I’d like to take a moment to apologize to you for the incident that took place not more than an hour ago on a busy six lane road that you defied with only your quick sprint and the power of your crazy eyes.

The glowering hate stare as you pounced unannounced into fast-moving traffic only served to further confuse and annoy the motorists who were lurching at top speeds to get to the next red light.

The fact that you stepped not gingerly but sure-footed into the path of oncoming vehicles daring them to kill you was surpassed only by the bold move of bringing your two offspring into the fray with you.

I imagine that’s just he kind of chutzpah that built the Roman Empire and helped Napoleon conquer Europe, bravo!

Thank Goodness your zany madcap waltz across Wisconsin Avenue with nary a cross walk in sight happened to bring you in front of my relatively sane moving car as I was inclined to hit the brakes even while watching your defiant glare that was daring me to smash my foot down upon the gas and teach you a motherfucking lesson.

“Go Ahead” you seemed to be saying “I’d like to see you try”

Well guess what aggressive street crossing lady?

I wasn’t raised here in the DC metro area where everyone is imbued with the respect and courtesy that should be afforded to all people walking in or near a road. My upbringing taught me that “kill or be killed” is pretty much the rule of the land and that people who deviate from this rule usually end up dead or in jail.

It took a LOT of self-restraint not to teach you a lesson that could have landed us a prime spot on the five o’clock news but the wide terrified looks on the faces of your kids helped me dial it back a notch and see the big picture.

Perhaps some day while you are railing against the rolling masses of metal that stop you from dancing around in what used to be an open field there will be a brief second when the crazy glasses will be knocked from the front of your delusional face and you will see the actual danger in doing something like that.

There is consolation in knowing however that one of your kids will probably push you out into traffic as payback.



Filed under aggressive street crossers, can you get angry if you don't use the crosswalk, dangerous traffic games, I almost didn't stop, let's see who blinks first, my car has great breaks, note to angry jay walkers, why so angry

27 responses to “Pedestrians ALWAYS Have the Right of Way

  1. Tom G.

    People like this are lucky to be living in our civilized times, where we go out of our way to help the poor, unfortunate, and mentally deficient among us. If they had existed a few thousand years ago, natural selection would have taken care of extinguishing their gene pool the first time they stepped out onto the glacier and into the path of a herd of stampeding woolly mammoths.

    Sigh… some times I feel like I was born at the wrong time.

    • dufmanno

      Car, Woolly Mammoth, horse & buggy – you know this lady has a touch of oppositional defiance disorder that compels her to do these things but still.
      It would have been different if she had used the WELL MARKED crosswalk not thirty feet away.

  2. Unless you noticed an alien pod growing out of her back, there is no excuse for behavior like that. Hiss, boo.

    • dufmanno

      My assumption is that alien life forms, whether they be just pods or fully formed, would have the superior intellect and therefore would have stopped her from surefire destruction.

  3. that is clearly using one’s brass fucking defiant balls for no good. what a waste. between this story and your last one, i know i am right that there is no god. and if there is, he/she must be hanging out in the holy meth lab.

  4. It is indeed rather tempting. So proud of your self restraint!

    I confess tho: if a left turnip car dares to show any impatience while I am crossing the street with green light, I stare them down. I stare them directly down. Maybe that’ll be the end of me one day. Then my epitaph should say: she takes right of way seriously. Or, Never yield.

    • Okay, I must confess I am laughing hysterically as I envision subWOW glowering at a cart full of turnips while crossing legally! **Best typo EVAH!!!!**

    • dufmanno

      I always give any pedestrian at a light or even a marked crosswalk the right of way. I never rush anyone and I’ve even been known to wait patiently while crazy wheelchair guy (remember the one that swings at people?) spins in circles and momentarily forgets where he is while working towards the other side of the street. But this lady just flew off the sidewalk with no warning when she was no where near a safe place to cross. Cars swerved to miss her. And while I stopped to let her go, other less patient drivers were blaring their horns and trying to fly around me to get by, nearly killing her every time.
      Also, I’ve got a beautiful mental image of your “crossers stare”

  5. Really? No one hit her? D.C. has gone soft since I left.

  6. KeepingYouAwake

    I group people that parade the “right-of-way” laws with the people that insist if you hurt them, deserving as they may be, you’ll go to jail.

    In either event you lose, Dr Fearless. the law might be on your side, with its umbrella-coverage of blind justice, but you may also be on your side, bleeding to death with a grin, because when you get peeled up, someone will say you were in the right.

    I’d have enjoyed the story more minus the kids, but with more injury.

    • dufmanno

      I wish you could have seen the incredulous look and the firm “STOP RIGHT THERE!” hand gestures. She meant business and was unwilling to accept that this particular stretch of Wisconsin ave. was fast moving.

  7. I am from a land where it is pretty easy to move yourself and your offspring across the road before the mother fucking tractor going 7 mph, with a line of 600 cars behind him, reaches you.

    • dufmanno

      She would have been standing with her feet firmly planted an acceptable width apart while her kids fashioned a STOP sign with markers and paint. After it dried she would have waved it at the slow moving tractor with purpose.

  8. You should have cremed them anyway. The kids will just grow up to be future jaywalkers.

    • dufmanno

      After that incident I wonder if future generations of her family will go the jaywalking or super cautious route.

  9. In other news, even when there are crosswalks and little white men lit up on traffic signs, drivers in Ohio have no idea what to do with pedestrians.

    • dufmanno

      If you stay in Ohio long enough perhaps you can teach them the basics of pedestrian care. Start with rule number one PEDESTRIANS ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.
      Then show them the Drivers Ed classic film “BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY!” it gives them equal parts fear and respect!

  10. Bugger me…I see this here in London as well, though what I usually see is dumb tourists who look the opposite way and risk getting run over by our cabbies who do not stop nor do the buses. Actually walking in Central London is a dangerous thing for tourists, how we Londoners laugh…

    • dufmanno

      You also have the rare pleasure of the “traffic circle” the only place I’ve ever been whose roundabouts to nowhere rivaled DC’s was London.

      • Roundabouts are brilliantly confusing, I do not drive so I just amuse myself watching the cars go around and the drivers getting annoyed with each other as nobody seems to be able to agree who had the right to go around first etc.

  11. As one who has been hit by a car…and almost got a ticket. I can tell you…pedestrians DO NOT always have the right of way. In fact, if you do not cross in a cross walk and get hit…YOUR FAULT.

    I had crossed one lane and was in the turning lane waiting for traffic to stop at the red light…so I could finish crossing. A woman turned left onto the road and was looking back over her shoulder to merge into teh lane I had already crossed…and hit me. Luckily, I was just bruised…and luckily the cop did not give me a ticket. He wanted to though. Jerkball.

    • dufmanno

      Dude, now I just feel guilty. You really got smashed by a car?
      In my lame defense I will say it was on a part of Wisonsin Ave that had fast moving traffic, no lights and no crosswalks. God, I still feel guilty! Can I get you tea?

      • Silly! Don’t feel guilty. The woman who hit me was not even looking where she was driving! Your crazy lady should have walked to a different area to cross…not bolted out in front of you daring you to hit her:)

  12. michael freeman

    Sometimes its better to be dead and right,rather than be alive and wrong….however its also nice to be wrong and alive,rather than be alive and right……..judging by your narrative,I only wish you had it in you to ACCELERATE….yes…,you may have to do some time,and it may have a boomerang effect that would effect your offspring,and their collective karma forever…..but it would go a long way to know that “defiant glare ladies” last thought was “oh fuck I this bitch is crazier than me”…….or not

    • dufmanno

      My mother lives her life by that motto and she’d gladly die to prove to me while uttering her last passive aggressive sentence that she was in fact CORRECT about everything.

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