The Curtains Fell, My Dog Died and My Daughter Got Bell’s Palsy

Despite what you may have heard, the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

That does NOT mean however that things are going swimmingly over here, in fact we are a fucking mess. And that is putting it mildly.

We’ve been blasted with furious hammer blows from the bad luck mallet.

First, I managed to enter the bad parenting Guinness book after joking with my child that she should stop making that silly face because she looks like she’s got Bell’s Palsy.

 Well guess what?!

She actually does.

Yeah, I know, I know. Good job!

Anyway, we got an extra special surprise when we were informed that we would have to go to neurologists who never have any available appointments and specialists and people who like to stick big needles in your arm to suck out all of your available blood, blah blah blah.

THEN just as we were coming out of that bend in the road our massive, powerful full of life dog just up and died, right out of the blue.
This creature, who had been moving like a freight train hours before he was felled, crumpled in a lifeless heap and stopped responding.

We are destroyed.

Was this dog a huge pain in the ass?


Did he knock over children, adults, furniture and lamps?


Still, he was gorgeous and sweet and loyal and we miss him horribly.

Sure I know that things like this happen and that we need to keep on keepin on but I find myself without anything silly or bizarre to say to you today.

So I will sum up by telling you that my daughter is on the mend and seems to have none of the terrifying things we imagined might be causing her facial paralysis (phew) and showing you a photo of my slobbery fool of a doggy.


See ya big fella, you will be missed:(



Filed under adversity, I'm a bad parent, my poor dog, not a good week

30 responses to “The Curtains Fell, My Dog Died and My Daughter Got Bell’s Palsy

  1. Oh gosh. I’m so sorry about your dog. It’s one thing when you know they’re ill and can prepare for the worst, but out the blue? Losing a pet is awfully painful.

    So very glad your daughter is on the mend, must’ve been incredibly frightening.

    I’d give you a hug but it would be awkward. Because I’d be hugging a computer. May I suggest a trip to a far away land where every man looks like Stewart Copeland, gives hot oil massages and are only clad in…nothing. Might help a little…

  2. Oh this just breaks my heart! All of it.

    Sending you Mike Rowe and a vat of Nutella. Just as soon as he wakes up from the tranquilizer dart.

    Hang in there.

    • dufmanno

      I know right? It seems a little much for the short span of two weeks but I do have to say that I’m impressed that you took Mike Rowe down with only one tranquilzer dart. I heard he’s as hard to catch.

  3. Tom G.

    I am so sorry to hear about your dog. It’s never easy losing a pet. Dog’s are so big, dumb, and innocent that God should just give them a pass on the whole mortality thing. (Looks up to heaven, shakes finger: Not cool God! Not cool!)

    I’m sure the unexpectedness of it has been especially hard on the kids. I wish I had magic words to help make it better, but all I can say is “hang in there” and “we’re thinking of you”, and all the other trite Hallmark crap that springs into my selfish head when I am faced with the bad news of others.

    And I’m glad to hear that your daughter is doing better than initially thought. Go easy on yourself. It’s not like your comment caused her to have Bell’s Palsy. Sounds like you were a good parent who got their kid to the Dr. when they noticed something was wrong.

    Here’s a link to help to feel like a better parent.

    See? You’re doing a great job!

    PS – Do NOT buy the kids a Ferret to make them feel better.

    • dufmanno

      OK now I think that maybe I DID cause her to come down with Bell’s Palsy because I’m just THAT bad.
      It’s like when my Nana died and I thought of all those times in school that I said I didn’t do my homework because I had to go to her funeral. Now I’m sure I killed her too.

  4. Oof. Hearing about the death of a pet always hits me like a stomach punch. I’m so sorry.

    I certainly hope things turn around for you immediately.

    • dufmanno

      We are still sad but we are happy we still have crazy Molly our other dog. She’s a little depressed because her best buddy is gone but the upside is that now we are pampering her like she’s going to drop dead any minute.

  5. Awwww, dogs should never die. Like Tom said. It just isn’t right, whether they’re old and their time has come or whether they are full of life. NOT FAIR.

    And Bell’s Palsy?!? That would have sent me to the loony bin once and for all. Glad to hear she’s going to be fine. You deserve a drink. A lot of them.

    • dufmanno

      I was on the verge of including a hilarious but utterly tasteless Bell’s Palsy joke with this post and then thought better of it because of this months batting average.
      Still, it’s getting better by the day so I don’t have to call her droopy anymore.
      Sorry.That was bad.

  6. {{{{{hugs}}}}}} I am so sorry! {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

    So relieved to hear the good progress on your daughter’s recovery. More {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

    Sorry I do not know how to be funny in my comment. I just want to pick you up and squeeze you.

  7. Well fuck!

    Yeah, that sums it all up.

    • dufmanno

      That is exactly what I said.
      I think we are just about ready to start functioning like normal humans again. I can feel the air lose that heavy quality that bears down on you like a slab of concrete when things go horribly wrong.
      Much lighter:)

  8. dbs

    Our childhood dog Moose (a St. Bernard) was a total pain in the ass too but I’ll never forget when she died. (Although now I wonder if my parents killed her…but that’s another story.)

    • dufmanno

      I had a yellow canary that “flew south” one day while I was at school and three childhood dogs who “ran away”. Now I begin the endless wondering and soon the blame game will start.

  9. Oh no! I think god must be calling all dogs because a friend of mine also lost her family dog of many years. It’s all god’s fault you see, he’s deeply offended about that joke about how dyslexics pray to Dog instead of God. See? Now, I am going to hell, just for mentioning this, it’s okay, I have a first class ticket anyway…but I digress…

    Life sucks for me, though only financially (no money, no job) – Artistically (problems with story, too convoluted, messy – bangng head against the wall has not helped..) and I have nerve compression on my right hand, so I need to lay off the computer, which I have been doing, but I had to stop by here to say sorry about the doggy, and I am glad your daughter is going to be okay.

    P.S Look at it this way – At least she wasn’t possessed by Satan (sorry, just watched Constantine with Keanu Reeves and I’m on a Satanic train of thought, plus damn, Keanu looked hot, but I digress again…

    • dufmanno

      That sucks about the story/job/money/compression in hand etc.
      You have clearly pissed off the same malevolent force that deceided to hoist messy chaos onto my life. Except they hand tailored it to make yours as much of a pain in the ass as possible for you.
      Get better and get that story finished!

  10. That sucks about your kiddo and dog.

    Hope things start looking up for you guys.

  11. I think you’ve had your share. Please wait until the ride comes to a stop before you raise the safety bar.

  12. I’m so sorry – no one should have to go through any of that.. let alone all at once. Hugs…

  13. Jesus Christ. You deserve a vacation. Or at least a really big drink. Keep your head up.

  14. enough already! my heart breaks for you. dogs should never die. they’re the kindest, most loving creatures ever. normally, i get more upset when something bad happens to a dog than i do when something happens to humans, but hearing about your daughter is very upsetting too. i’m so glad she is on the mend.

    wishing you blue skies, sunshine, and some easy like sunday morning.

  15. Ohhhhh…..I am so sorry. Damn that virus…and why can’t dogs live forever?? I can’t imagine.

  16. Donna

    Our GS dog just up and died too on Saturday. He had a little vomiting 2 days prior and that was it, acting his old normal self, stealing food off the counter as I was making my husband’s lunch, knocking me down to get out to the yard, etc. Friday he was laying around, no biggy – he’s done that before. Saturday, he looked pretty sick, so we decided if not showing any signs of improvement by evening we’d have to go to the ER vet (holiday weekend of course). Well, he got on the sofa, walked into the kitchen, so I assumed he just ate something he wasn’t supposed to and felt sick. Daughter came home from work, and about an hour later he died in her arms with us all around him.

    I know what you mean about dumb ass dog..he was one of them, but we loved him, and I’m missing him because he was always under my damn feet, putting those big old toenails of his in my toes.

    Sorry about your daughter, glad she’s feeling better. I know you miss you dog, because I sure do miss my Buck…DAMN DOG

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s