An Uncategorizable Delight!!

 

Every so often, people stop me on the street and ask “what is it that makes you tick?” then just as I’m about to answer I realize that although I was once a person of substantial promise, I no longer hold this distinct title and am forced to slink off into the night still feeling the sucker punch of truth in my gut.

I remember a night not too long ago where I tried to recapture my lost glory while demonstrating a superior knowledge of all things in an off kilter yet charmingly unpretentious manner and not one fucking soul was buying it.

Finally I started introducing myself like a press release written for the recently washed up “Hi, I’m Kelly and you may remember me from my past attempts at hilarity *here” and *there* or perhaps the time I tried to grab for something more meaningful and fell embarrassingly short? No? Okay, well I’m off to see about that Dim Sum table everyone’s been raving about

I had high hopes for my return but I find myself shuffling in here like a petulant teenager being told to clean up her act, her room and her life.

No words seem adequate to describe how disappointed I am in the quality of my output and the considerable lack of effort. Clearly it would be easier if someone would just take a sledgehammer to my back causing my chest cavity to explode catapulting my heart muscle out of my body and all over my keyboard.

Even with the bloody goo tangled mess it would probably be easier to understand that sentiment than this never-ending drivel.

So here I am with a seemingly preposterous half-baked return to form promising you that I will do better tomorrow.

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28 Comments

Filed under crap, i said it was uncategorizable, me write bad, the reasons not to read grow even larger

28 responses to “An Uncategorizable Delight!!

  1. I’m pretty sure that before I even had a blog, someone called my attention to yours. And I thought, “Oh, I couldn’t do anything like that.” Does that make you feel better?

    • dufmanno

      God yes.
      VALIDATE ME!
      That’s what I scream out when I’m getting my ego stroked.
      Seriously though, that’s quite kind of you to say but I’m just another repressed gal with wild thoughts better left inside my head.

  2. Well, that graphic description of someone hitting you with a sledgehammer was too well written, “you’re given me pictures ma!”

    I think you are always witty and amusing and I love your blog, plus you get my adoration for 80s rockstars who shall remain nameless….which reminds me, I’ve only just realised that the bass player in the band of my novel, resembles a certain chiselled blonde dude. Guess it was some kind of weird freudian rockn’n’roll slip….

  3. Remember, if the audience keeps coming back, the show must still be good.

    • dufmanno

      I would have loved that argument but then someone pointed out the same thing about Two and a Half Men.
      Anyway, I’m more concerned with my inability to multitask and tendency to skip around avoiding things.
      There are still a million things that need to be written about Stewart Copeland.

  4. You got Dim Sum? Also I think I ate an actual table last night. This is getting ridiculous.

    • dufmanno

      Baby, for you I’d wheel a half ton cart of Dim Sum across these United States and then hand feed you each and every dainty morsel.
      I’m loyal like that.

  5. I don’t know what you think your readers expect of you. Advice or life lessons? 😉

    “I find myself shuffling in here like a petulant teenager being told to clean up her act, her room and her life.”

    Gems like this are hard to come by, and once you’ve tasted it, you keep on coming back for more.

    • dufmanno

      I was more referring to the effort it takes to drag myself across the floor and think of something worthwhile to say that doesn’t waste someones time. If memory serves I think that the worthwhile part has yet to occur 🙂
      Still, there’s some sort of decadent Dim Sum party going on so join in.

  6. You can waste my time any day. In fact, that’s what I expect when I read any blog. But yet, I can’t stop reading them. I will continue to come back to your blog to be amused by your witty and clever words, so don’t try and stop me by giving me something “worthwhile” to read. 😉

  7. dufmanno

    So that long winded rant about particle acceleration and the Large Hadron Collider isn’t really worth my time is it?
    Let’s talk about something more meaningful like how I can’t get over how much I’m starting to look like chubby Iggy Pop.

  8. Shit girl, I canLt speak for the rest of your groupies but I sit holding my breath waaiting for your next post and then hang on every erudite syllable. Where else on the intwerweb can a person go for fur bikini’s, wooly mammoths, love paens to Stewart Copeland, psychotic nuns, Godzilla movie reviews, and stories of a pint sized dictator?
    You could be just like the Police and go 20 years between tours, and we’d still come out to throw our unmentionables on the stage.

    • Dufmanno

      Kim Jong-il or Il Duce?
      I’ve noticed that I’m partial to the military operations approving nods and intense gazing at random things.
      Jong-il has got it goin’ on.

  9. Just remember that the truly mediocre don’t care they aren’t the best. I might embroider that on a pillow. Yeah, I probably won’t. Too much work.

    • Dufmanno

      I would love to be able to lay my big fat useless cranium on something as beautiful as your embroidery work. Although if something requires that much work and love you might just want to put it on the chaise lounge in your sitting room where you receive guests.
      I think we just stepped back in time again.
      Lace up those corsets.

  10. Now your telling me I should only post when I have something worthy of people’s time??? Well hell’s bells. I’ve clearly got some apologizing to do. Those 3 people Sitemeter says are visiting my blog must be walking around perpetually angry.

    Also, I love the messy teenager in you! You wore your Catholic schoolgirl uniform back then, right? *crosses fingers*

    • Dufmanno

      I was indeed sporting the plaid skirt and the kneesocks while curling my lip in surly rebellion.
      I still break it out on special occasions!

  11. I feel I have found a kindred spirit in you and I will keep coming back as long as I can find you on the internet. So. You know. Keep it up. Because stalking you in person is going to be expensive and time consuming.

    You can’t shake me now.

    • dufmanno

      There is no price too high to pay for properly stalking the person of your choice.
      This is exactly why Stewart Copeland keeps armed guards and military helicopters on hand at all times. You’d be surprised to learn that a person can live for weeks on canned goods while squatting in a famous persons hedge.
      You and I need to split wood soon.

  12. michael freeman

    yeah,but you have this…..perhaps a somewhat smaller than imagined audience,but no less appreciative..(actually I must send young Beth a thanks for giving me the heads up on it)….now dont let us down….teehee

    • dufmanno

      Yes but you are obligated by blood ties to say nice things about me. Also, you need to write a guest post on “THE PASSMAN” for me so I can share with my readers the many delightful things that helped shape my personality!

  13. michael freeman

    I dont know if you really want to open that Pandoras Box….but I would be happy to guest blog for you,perhaps whilst you are at Star Wars weekends using our condo….(just 5 minutes away….and 100percent off…) sorry I cant do any better than that…(stolen)

  14. I dressed up as a petulant teenager once and it was BRILLIANT.

    Also?

    The first time you commented on my blog (and I can’t even BELIEVE I’m about to admit this), I was all, ‘Holy crap, SHE READS THIS???’

    Even the seemingly bullet proof have insecurities, my love. And I’m talking about you here.

    So now you’ve gone and got al endearing instead of just intelligent, thoughtful and hilarious.

    Actually you’re kind of a b*tch.

    (I can say that now that I know you love me back.)

    – B x

    • dufmanno

      Put down that whip,walk away from that bound and gagged replacement Spaniard for a minute and give me a hug will you?
      No?
      Yeah, I don’t blame you. I’d rather hug him too.

  15. I’m pretty sure I still think you’re awesome.

  16. I can’t decide if you’re saying we aren’t worth it or you are? either way, I don’t have any expectations… just grandiose dreams.

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