Minivan In Flames

Don't worry it can wait!

 

When I was young and didn’t have any kids this was the kind of thing that used to send me into fits of laughter at the expense of the stupid lady who endangered her children by ignoring the recall notice.

Your automatic sliding doors can catch on fire! Make sure to put this on the back burner.

 

this is us. I'm always angry when I drive but I don't usually let the dog ride in the car.

Now I know I’m going to get hate mail from people who say that in fact they have known entire families that perished this way and that I should be ashamed of myself.

Don’t worry, I already am.

Still, this case scenario entered into my mind only because I noticed both my husband and I are skirting this issue by NOT taking the van in.

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46 Comments

Filed under car fire, dodge needs to build a car that won't explode, family truckster, hidden grammar errors and bad writing, recall notices

46 responses to “Minivan In Flames

  1. Is that for real? The potential hazard? I’d laugh too. Remember the Toyota recall for sticking pedal? We werent worried at all but rather cherished the fear our lame car induced in the other drivers for a while. I hope you enjoy your newfound power on the road.

    Awesome drawing skillz!

    • dufmanno

      It is for real.
      When I had the SUV I used to get lesser warnings like “passenger side door may stick when slammed too hard” but never anything like this.
      Your car could burst into flames is kind of harsh but the idea of crippling my already inferior driving abilities with trying to manuver a ball of fire with screaming kids in it might be too much for me.
      I think I’ll take it in.

    • I’m with you, SubWOW. I loved that just driving my Prius to and from work was somehow now a daredevil stunt that defied death. And got good mileage.

      Also, if the fire is, as the notice says, inside the sliding door, I don’t see what the problem is. Just don’t go into the door. Think of it as radiant heat.

  2. and here I am thinking of all the ways you could make good on this… like strategically parking near a tribe of angry book burners as the door catches flame. but that’s just me.

    • dufmanno

      We should make a list of people who need a fiery jolt.
      I’ll be sure to take the kids out first though, or maybe I can let them stand outside and cheer at whatever misfortune befalls those on our “list”.

  3. Just another reason to send the minivan over a cliff, with the family watching as Dufmanno popz open the champagne and hauls off of it until it’s almost gone, poors the rest out on the ground for the homies and directs Chuck to go get a new car that fits everyone that is fast and hot, that doesn’t end in van or wagon. THEN, you drive up north to the Berks and seek out Vapid, Dish, The Tine and The Nug and go tubing. Or drinking. Or something. XOXO.

    • dufmanno

      I thought I would never succumb to the irresistable siren song of the luxurious minivan,, but here I stand. A slave to her many convienences.
      There’s the duel screen dvd player with full surround sound, the XM Sirius satellite radio, the doors that fly open when I yell “SHAZAM”, the underfloor storage bins that are big enought to hold the bodies of two adult males, and the cavernous rear storage.
      Chuck has two cars that are pretty bitchin, although one is a convertable two seater so we have to tape the kids to the hood if we want to give them rides. I take the other one when I’m going someplace solo so I don’t seem so…….motherly?
      Also, tubing in the Berkshires sounds devine:)

  4. Please add” Minivan in Flames” to our list of potential band names.

  5. I’ve gone through the same headache with my luxurious Ford minivan. If I could, I would shoot spit balls all day at the people responsible for these manufacturing defects.

    • dufmanno

      I know. You would think something like “let’s make sure these wires don’t chafe, cause this could sure cause a huge fire!” would be a priority, but no.
      The other day I was thinking that with a few modifications I could actually live in my minivan and face very few lifestyle changes.

  6. That’s how we look anytime our gang goes somewhere.

    Only less door fire-y, and more cry-y.

    • dufmanno

      I should have made my daughter in the front seat more sullen and added a rendering of my husband in his own cooler car speeding away from us laughing. But then he would be all like “how could you depict me like that!?”
      Because honestly, he isn’t. But it would have been fun to draw him that way so everyone in blogland would be like “her husband MUST be a jerk” even while he was busy folding all the laundry, cleaning my kitchen and cooking my food.

  7. Have you seen those horrid commercials with that blonde, curly-locked kid mouthing off about how much it sucks to be a kid in an uncool minivan? I wouldn’t mind watching him go up in flames…and the fucker that came up with that ad campaign.

    Why yes I am a little short tempered today. Why do you ask?

    • dufmanno

      I hate that kid. Let’s kill him.
      Wait, no I’m a parent so I can’t say things like that.
      I agree about killing the guy who thought up the ad campaign though. He probably knows it’s coming anyway.

  8. Tom G.

    Why is it they always describe cars as being “fully engulfed” in flames? Is it possible to be partially engulfed?

    I second the motion to torture the smug little brat in the minivan commercials. They need to replace those with more Pomplamoose car commercials. I’m starting to go through withdrawl now that I don’t see Nataly Dawn during every commercial break.

    • dufmanno

      I think that my car could potentially be partially engulfed in flames because it would just be the one side and the unfortunate kids sitting on that side that would be engulfed.
      I know that makes no sense but I am on a lot of tylenol sinus so it looks good from here.
      Also I can’t use the term “engulfed in flames” without feeling like I’ve plagerized from David Sedaris now. Fucking thanks Sedaris. You get all the good stuff first.

  9. The wires in the heated driver’s side seat of my car burned a hole through the leather and electrocuted me in the ass. And that wasn’t even recalled. (The leather smelled so bad when it was burning from the inside that I kept accusing my son of filling the car with farts.)

    Also, there is a river here where you can go tubing and witness live sex acts while you drink beer out of your designated cooler-tube. Do they have that in the Berkshires?

    • dufmanno

      You are actually so awesome I fail to understand how I didn’t just dream you up one night while I was on acid.
      Honestly?
      I’ve never met anyone besides my father that’s had the honor of living through electrocution (it’s makes it especially poignant that it was in your ass) AND you also hold magical coordinates to a land where live sex goes on as you float by in a tube drinking.
      That, is kind of close to perfection if you ask me.
      We should get our axes and split wood together some day.

  10. dufmanno

    You know in your heart I meant real wood. With a real axe.
    I’m good at it.
    I told you my house had no heat growing up. And when I say no heat I don’t mean the furnace just wasn’t the best. It wasn’t even connected.
    So a series of wood stoves and fireplaces were our only source of heat for years until we got it fixed.
    I was like a fucking pioneer woman in Garanimals.
    Anyway, I bet watching us split real wood might be just as exciting as the “other ” thing.
    You should see my over the shoulder axe swing. It’s a thing of beauty.

    • Tom G.

      Yes, I knew you were being literal. I didn’t realize that @orjustbeth was the Mary to your Laura Ingalls though.

      In fact you and your ax are something of a legend back home. You are kind of like the Hudson Valley’s short, half Sicilian, female version of Paul Bunyan. Do you have a small blue ox too? I mean, I know about Gleek the small purple monkey you keep as a pet. Not to be confused with a purple ghost.

      wocka…wocka…wocka…

  11. Same here with the wood stoves – I have the burn scars to prove it. But my dad was a tinkerer and he built a gas powered wood splitter, so I never had to use an axe. I just stacked and hauled and stacked and hauled and stacked and….

    But I’d love for you to show me your swing anyway.

    • dufmanno

      Are those the contraptions you toss the wood into and it flies at supersonic speeds into separate pieces? Cause if it is, I’ve only ever seen one other one in the entirety of my whole life and it was amazing.
      Ah the stack and haul.
      Our woodpile was located what seemed like ten miles from the house in the dark evil woods. My father would point to it and nonchalantly ask me to grab pieces and bring them back.
      The walk to and from that corner of hell was the most fear I think I ever felt.

    • I love this conversation! It’s great, really. I was going to go back up to your comment about the defect in your old VW and say “I always tell you you have a hot ass” but now I’m jealous so forget it.

      • dufmanno

        Are you jealous of our wood chopping and stacking skills because trust us when we say the more the merrier with that task.
        I’m still wondering why NO ONE has tried to pry the whereabouts of the float by sex show from her memory banks.

      • Apple River. Sommerset Wisconsin. I think they even have a” float by sex show” web page.

        Don”t ask me how I know. Thankfully I was on top so @orjustbeth wouldn’t be able to pick me out of a line up. Unless they made me face the other way.

      • I just don’t want Beth to forget who “splits [her] wood every night” as I posed it in a private chat yesterday.

  12. When I owned a Ford, I got recall notices all the time. The first time, I was all “Oh hell, I have to rush this thing down there.” After 15 or 20, I just let them pile up.
    Since I bought the Mitsubishi, not a single recall. Either they are superior or they don’t give a damn whether or not I become a bullet on wheels.

    • dufmanno

      They probably just type up the recall notice and sit around a board room somewhere and laugh about not sending it out to anyone.
      Then they act out various case scenarios of what the drivers will look like when the dashboard melts and the windshield wipers come to life and strangle the driver.
      Shit, I better get off these flu drugs.

  13. dayum! your pic is amazing. you totally win. you’ll be the one to dethrone hyperbole and a half. i can only draw a porn star boob that hasn’t been groomed in months. and even this is a generous assessment. you have people, an animal, a vehicle and flames! muy impressivo.

    • Dufmanno

      Drawing is too hard, I only did it because it was easier than putting the kids in the car, having them hold cardboard cut out flames on their heads and taking a photo.
      Although now that I think about it that would have probably really driven the point home.
      Anyway, your boobie was awesome don’t say bad things about it!
      And hyperbole and a half is in a league of her own up there. Nothing I will ever scribble out will come close to that hilarity.

  14. Don’t feel bad! I bought my kids a carton of smokes in spite of the warning on the label. But they were Lights, so….

    • dufmanno

      My five year old just told me yesterday that he smokes to get “knowledge”.
      I just thought to myself “you are so fucked up it’s not even funny”.
      I’ll tell him to switch to lights even though they may not pack as much smarts.

  15. Jay

    You guys must all use a lot of hair product, seeing as that’s the first part to combust on everyone.

    • dufmanno

      Actually it seemed the only non graphic looking way to show a family flying down the highway on fire but now that I think about it, probably not the best idea to have the kids burning.
      oh well:)

  16. It’s a good thing I raised all my kids without knowing that anything was dangerous. Like putting dry cleaning bags over their heads and sucking in a la Mad Men.

    • dufmanno

      The dry cleaning bag over the head is only second only to the hot curling iron swordfight where the duel is held next to a tub full of water.

  17. Dude. I thought you drove a bitchin’ Camaro.

    WTF?

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