This morning I had to arise before dawn to await the arrival of the beloved grocery delivery man who brings me so much joy I don’t think I can even express it properly in words.
So there I was, minding my own business, skulking around my back sun room in total inky blackness when I happened to look up from my piping hot coffee and into another dimension.
Directly across my alley, right next to the house that fell right the fuck off of itself, was a person showering minus protective window coverings.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have a shred of fabric covering ANY of the five back room windows or double sliding doors in my house .
This is because the rest of the house is like a dark cavernous mine shaft, minus trapped workers and bad lungs. I have earned the right NOT to cover my windows, not to mention I don’t wash my naked body in the kitchen.
What the hell do you do? Look away? Stay hidden in the total absence of light and hope they realize that more than one person with a clear view of all the homes that back up to the alley is awake at the not altogether forbidden hour of 6 am?
I finally went the full disclosure route and fired up every blinding light in the back of the house so the leisurely bather could better see that all I was doing was getting my coffee and bagel and walking around in a profoundly disturbing outfit that consisted of one pair of duckie flannel pajama bottoms, the dreaded red tee-shirt, big fluffy slippers, a massive wool snowflake patterned sweater and a Star Wars hat.
Still, not an ounce of concern across the way as I shuffled back and forth from my computer to the windows. Clearly we are having some sort of standoff that will determine WHO will blink first.
Will super clean full window shower neighbor give in and spend the $1.50 for a decorative window cover?
Will I bring in Next Day Blinds to measure for those wooden shutters I’ve talked about for ten years?
Or, like always, will I forget about this by tomorrow and sleep late enough for the rest of my life never to have to confront this atrocity again?
And in the spirit of nakedness and a rocking good time go to Culture Brats and look what 80’s band is releasing a new single today.