It’s been a weird week.
I saw a few things that made me sad and got wind of a few more that made me jump for joy.
I ate a lot of turkey and made a long journey to New York to meet with my oldest friends but a funny thing happened on the way to and during my stay at the forum.
Back on familiar playing ground everything that had seemed out of focus was suddenly razor-sharp so with a little distance and clarity perhaps comes what might pass for wisdom?
Or maybe in my case it was just a lame ass attempt to shake myself out of that dissociate fugue I kept claiming was responsible for my lack of giving a shit.
Either way, in lieu of the customary traditional post holiday bitch fest I usually deliver along with its never-ending run on sentences and wild tangents, here is a crisp concise list of not very well explained random events that I know are tied together in some fashion.
1. I found out everybody is divorced, on the verge of divorce, or ignoring a myriad of problems that probably should result in divorce. God almighty. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. O.K. , maybe that a slight exaggeration but holy blindsided batman! When I tell you I came home and started checking receipts, credit card bills and computer searches I’m not being facetious. That shit is real, and it’s deadly.
2. I saw legless wheelchair guy (he’s a local dude with his legs amputated below the knee and the most jet turbo powered ride ever) take a swing at a well-meaning but clueless mom in workout gear who had made the mistake of pulling over to help him drag his chair up on the sidewalk. Sadly, no one warned this woman with the good intentions about his boxing skills and I watched in horror as he took several swings at her nearly landing a left hook on her jaw. Thankfully there are a few advantages for your opponent when you are height challenged.
3. The back of my neighbor’s house fell right the fuck off with a deafening thunderous roar. See photo of rubble pile for visual aid.
4. I found a small but potentially deadly glass disc cleverly hidden in my box of Ovaltine. Nice try people from Nestle , can’t you even let me die with dignity?
Oh what happened to her?
She choked on a tiny round glass shard that any other human would have just harmlessly swallowed.
Wow, wish I could say it was a shame but I hated that bitch.
Fortified with twelve vitamins and minerals AND OH YEAH RAZOR SHARP DEATH.
So as you all can see it’s going to be some time before I can connect all these happenings and make some sense of what they are trying to tell me. This will be taking up much of my day and Nancy Drew junior detective skills so expect me to be on half throttle for about twenty-four hours.