Sure That Really Happened.

Do you suppose that on certain days such an odd number of unexplained occurrences take place that they could be considered a message from someone or something?

Like on those rare occasions that I am commenting somewhere and I start to feel like CAPTCHA is not only reading my mind but telling me who it wants killed next on it’s “special list”.

It’s okay, you can talk about it here.

On a cold day last year I turned on the lava lamp in my daughter’s room while I folded laundry to add some much-needed ambiance to a dreary task. I watched the misshapen glob on the bottom heat up and begin to form…..

Wait, what the hell is that?

What is even happening here?

At first I thought it was a temporary mistake that would work itself out.


 Finally, two hours later this problem managed to solve itself so I wouldn’t have to keep pushing kids out of the room with a broom.

That's right, be GONE phallic message of doom.

Some people get stigmata or the image of Jesus on their waffle.

I got a lava lamp penis.

Also, Tom this has NOTHING to do with the Viking invasion caused by your rejection of the love of the Danish people.



Filed under CAPTCHA, folding laundry is the devil's work, lava lamp penis, seeing is believing, when household things send messages

25 responses to “Sure That Really Happened.

  1. You have a very lovely lava dong. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

  2. Agatha82

    Oh no, my eyes! Love the perverted lava lamp…heh heh

    • dufmanno

      The next time I put it on it seemingly formed what appeared to be a Chipotle chicken burrito so I obeyed it and ran right out to eat one.

  3. Obviously your lava lamp got too hot watching you fold laundry.

    • dufmanno

      I can’t help feeling like it was taunting me a little bit.
      No, I guess if it had really wanted to taunt me it could have pointed out that folding laundry on a Saturday night in flannel pajamas is the work of the downtrodden.
      I hate the lava lamp.

  4. Did you have the appropriate sexy time music like
    “Let’s get it on”?

    Or “Cum stains on my pillow”?

    Or this?

    • dufmanno

      Sadly all I had was the rhythmic churning of my washing machine and the deafening roar of the malfunctioning dryer.
      I’m sure that INSIDE the lava lamp’s den of sin the above mentioned songs were playing loud and clear.
      Now that I think about it there should have been a tiny pitchfork toting Satan that came out of a little door at the bottom of the lava penis to do a dance.

  5. Tom G.

    Some of the greatest prophets of old had Penile Apparitons appear before them, portending a bountiful harvest.

    No, wait, that was midget porn.

    So, umm… what were you wearing while folding the laundry? Was there a purple ghost involved?

    wocka wocka wocka

    • dufmanno

      Giant blue lava phallus meet the purple ghost.
      Anyway, as you can see, I fold my laundry in only the latest and greatest of wardrobes. Flannel jammies and big thick wool socks.
      Makes you want to run back to Culture Brats now huh?

      • Tom G.

        I don’t know, I’m kinda afraid to go back to Culture Brats after Vapid threatened to kick me in the crotch cup.

        I’m scared. Will you hold me?

  6. dufmanno

    She just doesn’t want you fucking up her glitterati lifestyle.
    As long as all remains good between her and the Danes I don’t think you are in danger.
    Tread lightly though, I spent a weekend in NYC with her and she’ll cut a bitch as soon as look at her.
    Not that you’re a bitch. Sorry, I think I’m scaring you more now.
    And also, it’s me that’s got the sharp cutlery and the misdirected anger not her. Look at me projecting my issues onto others.
    Vapid forgive me!
    I feel cleansed now.
    Anyway, never stop going to Culture Brats. They like you over there.

  7. Tom G.

    You have Knives and Tennis Rackets? Yikes.

    I had no idea Vapid’s glitterati life style involved vagina tatovering. That explains why the Danes love her so.

    I just love her for the Cashmere. MEOW!

  8. I’m pretty sure this is why my mom wouldn’t let me have a lava lamp as a child. But when I got to college, I got one right away. Changed my life.

    • dufmanno

      I had a rocking red lava lamp in high school but switched to a blacklight and velvet posters for college. Things were never the same.
      I used to buy all my junky light up trinkets at Spencers gifts back in the day.

  9. MissAttitude sits next to me watching tv while I check blogs.
    “A penis on a lavalamp! WOOOWWW…”
    As the coolest thing ever; now she is busting my balls to her a lava lamp with boobies…
    Great… 😛

    • dufmanno

      Tell her the lava lamp boobies only appear when summoned by the power of the subconscious. Apparently all that silent chanting I did in my own head didn’t do any good for my own boobs but the girl sitting next to me in the 6th grade got a double shot so clearly someone has bad hearing AND aim.

  10. I also have two lava lamps that I put in a closet downstairs…I wonder how many more they’ve made by now.

    What is the gestation period of a lava lamp anyway, and do they need a spanish fly?

    • dufmanno

      That glass acts as the ultimate birth control. I don’t think they can get to each other no matter how hard they try. How frustrating.

  11. i’ve heard from the lava gods that this happens to all women in their sexual peak, especially when ovulating. the body knows what it wants.

    • dufmanno

      If the lava forms itself into the shapes of my subconcious desires then there should be a beach house and a second Police reunion tour taking place in there right now.

  12. Two words. Ectoplasmic Phallus.

    I’m pretty sure they fill lava lamps with that jelly from Poltergeist when Diane brings Carol Anne back from the light.

  13. Green shiny lava penis. This is what America is all about! So happy to be back! 🙂

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