Wanted: P.O.S.

I know it’s probably hard to imagine that I could be wanting for anything more in my life since I’ve spent so much time residing here in awesomeville but lately I’ve had my eye out for my much fantasized about beach getaway home.

That’s right folks I’m in the market for a beach crack house crap shack.

Note that I don’t actually have any money to buy this little slice of heaven with, I’m just getting started.

It only has to have one room and running water and I’m golden.

I love the smell of the ocean, the windswept dunes and the kids that look like they were imported from the front of the J. Crew summer catalog before it started selling all cashmere instead of cotton.

The hypertension and frown lines begin to abate and the idea of playing the bongos shirtless outside seems a little less ridiculous.

So you aren’t interested in funding my windswept and ocean battered dreams?

I have another option for you!

Recently I was combing the realtor.com pages for a farmhouse getaway and I came across this house which is the EXACT replica of the home I grew up in Stony Point, New York. What’s even more bizarre? This house is in Stony Point as well!

my old house was even painted the SAME colors! Meant to be people.

My house came with extensive acreage and a few outbuildings but this one will do.

Feel free to purchase it at your leisure and then we can have you sign the Deed of Trust over to me in a timely manner.

Can’t you see the warm country house memories that I’ll be making here?

Baking bread and lighting fires while wild berries and apples grow outside. This is going to be spectacular!!!

***Update*****

No, no one has bought me my house yet, but the people over at Culture Brats have the new 80’s fashion disaster post up and I love them with all my heart so go pay those guys a visit and give them a big kiss xoxox

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17 Comments

Filed under 1, beach house, crap shack, do this for me, don't destroy my dreams, I love the beach, I'll take a country house instead, sand, seagulls, surf, things I can't have

17 responses to “Wanted: P.O.S.

  1. You want Parents Over your Shoulders? What? I guess if you want to relive your childhood this is the way to go. 😉

    I am worried about you going into that house. It sounds eerie how the same exact house sitting in the same town but the land has shrunk. On the other hand, it’s rather exciting to imagine you in a bonnet and an apron. (And nothing else of course. Duh.)

    • dufmanno

      I LOVED my old house. I’ve got to dig up a photo of it for you to see all the land that surrounded it. The best part about growing up there was the idea that you could go wandering to a thousand different places with your friends and not be seen until dinner time.
      It had a cherry tree and two apple trees, a barn made entirely of stone and two huge walls of wild berries that grew in the summer.
      It sounds like I totally made this up.

  2. Tom G.

    Wow. That’s an awesome looking old Greek revival farmhouse. We had ton’s of them in the countryside outside of Batavia, dating from the early 1800’s. I love driving in the country and looking at them. The main house portion of these type of homes are usually small, but over the centuries have had kitchens, bedrooms, family rooms, etc… added onto them.

    I always fantasize about living in a house like that somewhere near the Finger Lakes. I could dress like someone from the L.L. Bean catalog, grow apples, make my own corn whisky in the barn, and sit on the porch in the evenings watching the sunset, and typing my blog on an iPad.

    Good luck with you’re beach house / farm house dreams. We are on the 14 year plan. That’s when both kids will done with college, and we can quit our jobs, move into the country, and leave no forwarding address.

    • dufmanno

      Soon my friend, soon.
      Fourteen years goes much faster than it used to.
      Anyway, I’m putting in my request for a vat of 20 Prospect corn whiskey now so I don’t have to get on a waiting list.

  3. Where do I put the dollar bills?

  4. first, i’m with you on the j crew bait and switch. i hate wool. even the “softer” wools like cashmere and fine italian merino wool ITCH. and make me TWITCH. and BLOTCH. and to get this feeling i have to spend a fuck ton more money.

    second, i vote option 1: playing bongos topless, bones braided in our hair and cartwheels in the sand under the moon. i grew up in binghamton, ny and went to school in oswego so i’m done with winters, snow, sub-zero temps, and drafty creeky farmhouses. these things aren’t exactly compatible with a wool allergy. but bandanas for shirts/skirts, aviator glasses and dune buggies are completely in line.

    you were inviting me, right?

  5. Dufmanno

    You know that any sandy paradise fantasy involves you. Especially when bongos and bones are involved.

  6. Tom G.

    Oswego? Shit, I get cold just hearing the name. I think SUNY Oswego has the coldest walk to/from the bar of any college in NYS. Not even Potsdam can compete with that wind howling in off of the lake.

  7. All I want is a patch of dirt to grow a tomato in. Is that soooo much to ask? PS, nice urns.

    • dufmanno

      No actually that is a fairly reasonable request. So reasonable in fact that I feel like I need to come up there and smack some sense into potential buyers.
      I’m having this tranquil vision of you with potting soil, a shovel and a wide brimmed hat.
      In case you were wondering you look really fucking cute.

  8. So, if it’s a replica, is it in miniature? Cause I might be able to swing the the down payment on a miniature.

    Might.

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