In a shocking turn of events this past week numerous cast members of the wildly popular series Twilight and True Blood were injured in an unprecedented assault by deadly unicorns.
Feeling slighted by their cruel exclusion from the recent craze of adapting tales about mythical creatures into popular movies and long running critically acclaimed series, incensed unicorns impaled large groups of stunned actors on various film sets.
The shocking attack, caught on a security camera, shows enraged horned creatures storming the locations and destroying everything in their paths including props, vehicles and most frighteningly confused thespians.
The employees of craft services were miraculously unharmed.
The chaotic scene was made all the more eerie by the shrill braying and what sounded like snide comments about Rainbow Brite.
A unicorn representative told news agencies that he was not surprised by the ferocious nature of the attack citing many examples of abuse and embarrassing slights the horned animals had endured over the years. Saying simply that the creatures had reached their limit.
Okay, so this didn’t really happen but I’m so SICK of talking about myself lately I had to make something up. Unicorns aren’t even my thing, they are more up Elly’s alley but since Bigfoot, Werewolves, Vampires, Elves and Wizards seem to be popping up all over the place with their own starring vehicles I felt unicorns would be riled up enough to satisfy their appetite for destruction.
Two things need discussing today.
Hmmm. Artificial skin that can let robots FEEL. Did you get that? Read it again and discuss your emergency plans among yourselves. Underground bunkers and stockpiling firearms with ammunition never sounded more sane. ATF, I’m joking, please don’t pay me a visit.
Second, my buddy Sandrine tagged me with five questions she needed answered under penalty of death so I happily obliged even though it’s still TALKING ABOUT MYSELF.
1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have and why?
Somewhere along the line, I’ve answered this one before so I’m sure to contradict myself. I’m going
to say the power of flight since I’ll go ahead and assume it’s probably awesome. Plus my hair looks
great when it’s windswept.
2. Who is your style icon?
Anna Wintour, because that is the correct answer for anyone not wanting to be destroyed
by the lightning she shoots from her fingers.
3. What is your favorite quote?
Time is a great teacher but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?
I don’t get many compliments. I’m serious.
5. What playlist/cd is in your CD player /iPod now?
The Police on my iPod and The Pixies on my car CD player.
6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?
Night owl. I hate mornings.
7. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
I like both but we have a few family members who are deathly allergic
to felines so our two dogs will have to do.
8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?
HA! There is NO meaning whatsoever. I just made up a word that
included some of my last name and that was it. Pattypunker, feels
that perhaps I should change it to The Subdued Anchorwoman?
Now I’m supposed to tag people but I’m going to go rogue here and
decline to follow that rule.