They Knew All the Right People, They Took All the Right Pills, They Threw Outrageous Parties, They Paid Heavenly Bills

I bet you’re thinking that this will be yet another post about the epic BlogHer experience. 

Well, if you were thinking that you would be half wrong. 

First off, I didn’t get to wear my tube socks during my visit so I decided to make up for it by writing an homage to all things Copeland at CultureBrats

Also, I feel like I would be neglecting my duty as a red-blooded American female if I did not mention that Toywithme came up  and out of the goodness of her heart handed me a WeVibe. Upon first glance the we-vibe appears to be a pair of accessory ear muffs for the fashion forward stuffed animal or doll, or at least that is what it looked like to me. 

Look! Lamby has EARPHONES. I swear on the lives of my children that this is an unused we-vibe.

Then I realized there was an actual reason my husbands eyes were lit up like firecrackers. 

I got control of my initial impulse that would have had me running upstairs to make the sign of the cross and ask forgiveness and then plugged it in to charge. 

Now that’s progress. 

Sometimes in life you just don’t get what you bargained for and the reality is far lesser than the dream.
Like when I had my kids and I was all like “look here, stork people, summon your leader and set up a meeting because I was promised offspring that were all dewy and super fresh like in these parenting magazines and THIS baby has dirt and dried food ALL over it and it smells terrible, yells a lot and looks like a dehydrated crow”
 

This was not one of those times. 

The power and beauty of the writing was what drew me to New York and it turned out amazingly well because that writing ended up being a perfect representation of  each and every one of its creators. 

Then I breathed a sigh of relief when no one turned out to be this guy. 

Nevermind what I was going to say about this. LOOK how dusty my table is.

 ** O.K. you were just about to get out of reading any further because that was going to be the end of the post but take a look at the above picture again and please tell me what you think that blurry thing looks like in the backround?**

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25 Comments

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25 responses to “They Knew All the Right People, They Took All the Right Pills, They Threw Outrageous Parties, They Paid Heavenly Bills

  1. The color purple matches lamby’s ribbon! Wow. Tre chic. 😉

    Ok. It looks like a …. OMG! LMAO!

    • dufmanno

      What are the chances of something like that popping up in the backround? I’d like to add that I have several photos of a lava lamp that went all phallic and gave us party laughs for about 1/2 hour until it heated way up and dissolved.

  2. “I got control of my initial impulse that would have had me running upstairs to make the sign of the cross and ask forgiveness and then plugged it in to charge. ”

    ha ha ha!!!

    • dufmanno

      I think we should all take a moment to thank Elly, who not only helped me over the hump that had me unable to utter the word “vagina” but also paved the way for me to hold a sex toy.
      She brought a stick to beat off Satan’s underlings who kept trying to drag me away.

  3. Did you not giggle madly while trying to get the little jack in your wevibe? Yeah, well I did it in front of a bunch of people. I think I sort of understand erectile dysfunction from the other side now. Speaking of which, does that background penis have a mouth?

    • dufmanno

      My mother was just like “what? Did you go to a porn convention and just tell me it was a blogging conference?”
      Here she comes with the holy water.
      Anyway, that weVibe is something I’m STILL figuring out, although I heard Jenna Jameson has one so it must be fab.

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  5. I charged it Saturday night.

  6. dat lamby has swagger, dawg.
    also, love the eagles lyrics in the title.
    xoxo

  7. Nevermind the blurry fist in the background. WTF is the thing in the picture on the table?!

    • dufmanno

      That is the Oogie Boogie man from the Tim Burton family favorite “The Nightmare Before Christmas”
      Kind of like a cross between a burlap sack from hell and a menacing kidnapping fantasy gone awry. Well, if you kidnap people with a burlap bag anyway.
      Is no one going to give me a lashing for the table dust? I mean, I’m a slob and I’m appalled.

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  9. Oh my… you have a mongolian death worm stalking Oogie Boogie, stop, drop and roll…oh wait
    No one’s on fire yet!

    • dufmanno

      Yes, but that can be easily arranged.
      We need to get together to watch SyFy’s newest gargantuan creature slugfest.
      Giant Squid vs. Venom the Killer Scorpion.

  10. Ry Sal

    I’m sorry… What the hell?

  11. That thing in the background is someone’s stump, right?

    • dufmanno

      Yes, our household rules dictate that when one of the children steal we cut the offending hand off with an axe.
      Now I outfit them with wool socks instead of fingered gloves in the winter. It really brings down costs around here.
      At first glance it looked like a penis but then I started to waiver and wondered if my mind is always in the gutter smutting up all case scenarios.

  12. Okay, since my work won’t let me go to WeVibe.com, I’m just going to guess this has something to do with your lady bits. It sure as hell doesn’t look like the traditional lady bits accessory. Can your vagina hear music? Or is this like an electronic version of The Shocker?

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • dufmanno

      Yeah, I guess you would call it a multitasking device? I honestly thought it was earphones when she handed it to me.
      Catholic school sent me out into the world woefully unprepared and undereducated about such things.
      The nuns would have called it “the devil’s device!”
      Then they would have thrown it on the bonfire along with Catcher in the Rye.

  13. Putting the vibe on a stuffed animal…classic. Also, you have a oogie boogie doll. That is fucking epic. I wants…but only if it comes without the hand/penis in the background.

    • Dufmanno

      All TNBC dolls and accessories come with their own penis stump but extra action figures sold separately. This is not a flying or walking toy.
      Small parts, not for children under three.
      May cause mild discomfort for anyone allergic to burlap or disturbing imagery of household items coming to life with the sole purpose of frightening them.

  14. OMJ! Lamby in the weVibe is priceless. Ooogie Boogie being stalked by a blurry penis though, can we please send that pic to Tim Burton???!! I am quite certain he can do something fab with that storyline. That would be The Fantasy Before Halloween?

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