Well, thank goodness that washed up news anchor from Baltimore I hired to impersonate me at BlogHer worked out. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s that people hard up for cash are willing to take on just about any gig imaginable in a pinch.
I hope that bitch remembered the names and ages of my kids.
Anyway, as we all know this weekend was the much-anticipated BlogHer shindig in NYC and after a series of ill-timed fits and starts that began with throat crushing traffic and ended with a mad dash to make an Acela train out of Union Station I skidded into town causing asphalt burns on my ass.
And so begins a tale of an out-of-state internet rendezvous at a hotel that didn’t end up with the parents of the underaged girl pleading for her return on the six o’clock news.
Please Kelly Jo, just come home, we LOVE you.
To sum up, I can only seem to conjure one word.
I had a huge serving of everything that is right in this world.
So while I am busy setting up fan clubs and erecting shrines and monuments to the goddesses that ruled the Hilton and the surrounding areas, I’m going to pause and say thanks for making it the superpower summit of funny and good.
My husband got to hang out at the hotel bar with a wide assortment of exclusive call girls and his lifelong dream was fulfilled when someone handed us a real live sexual aid.
After regrouping, catching some sleep and debriefing my unemployed anchorwoman I will attempt a detailed retelling of the weekend that destroyed the BlogHer conference in one fell swoop and the women responsible. Stay tuned, story at 6.