Aren’t we all looking for a spectacular rock and roll way to die?
It’s better to burn out than to fade away people, and erupting in flames after Keith Richards accidentally lights his cigarette with a blow torch next to your vodka soaked naked body is a lot more interesting than catching and subsequently dying from a case of whooping-cough.
The grandiosity of your exit makes a huge statement about how you lived your life.
Here are a few of my favorites compiled by my reformed sisters in arms & myself.
Death by Electrocution
One moment you are skinny dipping in the hotel pool with the roadies trying to get the golden key upstairs to party with the band then suddenly the inebriated guitarist tosses a plugged in radio into the water and watches curiously as everyone does that familiar dance before collapsing. Sadly, just moments before he was contemplating going up to the room and throwing a tv out the window. Choices.
Going out in a blaze of glory.
Perishing in a mind-blowing pyrotechnics display during the bands second encore at Shea Stadium while scaling the wrong rear wall to get backstage.
You’ve made it inside the iron gates . The palatial surroundings of your rock and roll fantasy guys compound are so inviting you MUST tour the grounds. Unfortunately you stumble into the area that houses his collection of rare and exotic animals. Next thing you know your eyes are gouged out by his birds of prey and what’s left of you is then eaten by his pet lion.
Minion on accelerated schedule comes to collect your soul ten years too early after contract with Satan is executed promising ten years of wedded bliss to the rock star of your choice. Damn, the ink isn’t even dry yet.
Frightened to death in dark hallway after surprise appearance by Marilyn Manson who is there to collaborate on a single in rock stars home studio.
Fly Away Home
Flowing mesh frock (a la Stevie Nicks) snags on wheel of private band jet during boarding. Band too drunk to notice frantic screaming prior to departure, so it’s death by asphyxiation at 30,000 feet or internal injuries gotten from being folded into wheel well during take off and landing. You take your pick.
I didn’t know you were married!
Throat ripped out by the teeth of insanely jealous wife after thrilling chase that includes impressive vaulting over various shrubbery and ducking cutlery thrown by pursuer.
Impaled on newly purchased medieval andirons during extra vigorous sexual escapade.
Brain injury after taking hit to the noggin from flying drumstick meant for pompous lead singer.