Self Absorbed Nincompoop Starts Blog and is Stunned to Find No One Cares About Her Opinion

 

See, with just five extra minutes and photoshop you too can make a badge!

Oh, I know that I am not the first ding-dong to think her ramblings make a difference.

It started out as an innocent experiment and snowballed into an exercise in full frontal disclosure. Miraculously, it’s still standing.

No one could have predicted that someone so schooled in inconsistency would make a habit of posting every day about things that most people just live through but never record. It would be a way to document what was going on during the days so that when I looked back I could say “Oh my, I had completely forgotten about this/that/the other”.

Or at least that’s what I told myself.

Then I started to like it.

I could vent my frustrations and failures as a parent, a wife and a human being and purge the running stream of conciousness commentary out of my brain and onto a computer screen, hit publish and it was gone. I didn’t have to think about it over and over.

I even have an alias. Only three people I know of who live my everyday life with me know that I write this blog.

My MOTHER can never know.

She would come at me with everything she’s got like a rabid mongoose headed for a den of snakes.

Not that it will ever make much of a difference in this big bad world. The people I rail against will still continue to befoul all our souls without punishment and I’ll still be click clacking away on my laptop about it lost in my own little dream world not having changed anything. 

 But the more people you meet out here the more you realize the world is mostly a welcoming place. People are inherently kind and supportive and will do a sistah a favor even if they have never met the “actual” you.

So what if a few of them turn out to be parolees masquerading as moms with toddlers, who are we to judge?

99% qualify as super good eggs with interesting things to say and wildly different takes on a variety of subjects, each equally fascinating.

There are those who will go on to write novels, star in movies, become famous for their stunning rack of boobage, rob banks, see the world, or go to prison. Then others like myself will stay put, happy where they are and loving every minute of it.

So, for whatever reason you may blog, I raise my cup of coffee to you (fuck you, it’s ten in the morning here okay?) and say that it’s perfectly okay to have fun and let it all hang out because there are others who are of like mind.

That and you couldn’t possibly talk about your bits more than Elly does.

Seriously. You can’t outdo her.

She’s sort of a legend.

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22 Comments

Filed under blogging, elly wins, nobody really cares, people are nice, why do I blog?

22 responses to “Self Absorbed Nincompoop Starts Blog and is Stunned to Find No One Cares About Her Opinion

  1. I hope to someday earn your badge. You are going to award it to people, right? It seriously rocks! Plus, I never got to go to private school. Le’sigh.

    Elly does talk about the girly bits a lot. Bwahahaha. (that is me being totally hypocritical sshhhh…. don’t tell Elly..)

    • dufmanno

      If not for Elly, I would not be able to say the “v” word without stuttering so I owe her a debt that is not easily repaid.
      The private school uniform is great for Halloween now, when my husband can go as “father what a waste” and I can rock the ponytails and knee socks for a wildly inappropriate gag.
      Just kidding, we never did that because we are way too chicken. That nun mojo really works.
      You can totally have my badge, just steal it right from the page.

  2. Please don’t start awarding badges. They are like Internet chlamydia. And you are so much better than that. I can tell. I’ve read your blog four times now. It’s like we’re BFFs.

    • dufmanno

      I can barely manage to go pick up a badge when someone graciously bestows one upon me, I’m that lazy and without basic skills.
      I made this badge to
      1)prove to myself that I could
      2)announce to the world that this might actually be the worlds worst blog.
      God chlamydia. That’s a blast from the past.
      Back when they used to call it VD instead of sexually transmitted disese.
      Not that I ever had it or anything like that.

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  4. Wait….it’s 10 am in Hell?

    Damn, I need to reset my watch.

    • dufmanno

      Well, it depends which of the nine circles you are in. I mostly keep to the second or third so I can plan a quick getaway if need be.
      If I’m not mistaken the inner rings are at least one time zone apart.

  5. “become famous for their stunning rack of boobage”

    Um…shout-out?

    • dufmanno

      Absolutely.
      Clearly you need to remember all of us when your boobs have paved your path with gold and you live in a castle by Rodeo Drive.

  6. the blogosphere is the best! i’m addicted and love my new bloggy friends even more so than some of my real life friends. plus, it’s just been a fantastic creative outlet. so i tip my franzia to you, too.

    and elly does give good blog!

    • dufmanno

      I know.
      I’m starting to become wildly disappointed in my day to day physically present friends and am thinking of trading them in for the bloggy ones full time.
      Although soon we shall all step through the portal in New York and cross dimensions.
      I’m imagining everyone being like “wow, you are so much less annoying on your blog than you are in real life, let’s sever ties and never interact again okay?”
      And then I’ll just have to go out and drink by myself.

  7. well I, for one, intend to become famous for my stunning rack of boobage WHILE publishing a novel… despite my parolee status… hey where the hell did this toddler come from? At any rate… give me liberty, or give me death, but don’t touch my right to blog.

    white man’s overbite, spinal tap ensemble. rock it.

    • dufmanno

      I’ve got this great visual of you standing on top of a mountain riding a horse after having won the war to blog.
      There’s a good title for someone BLOG WARS.

  8. Hey! I haven’t talked about my bits online for at least 48 hours. *checks watch* Ok, fine – 36 hours. STILL.

    It doesn’t count when I talk about other people’s bits.

    Hmmm. You may have just inspired tomorrow’s post.

    Are you really thinking about my bits while you’re on vacation?

    Am I leaving a comment even longer and more rambling than the drivel I put on KYA’s blog?

    How much wood WOULD a wood chuck chuck if a would chuck COULD chuck wood?

    Ok. I’m done now.

    Probably.

    Kumquat.

    • dufmanno

      In my mind you are the trailblazer that helped me speak the forbidden word without bursting into flames.
      Like the teacher who sat for endless hours with Helen Keller never giving up. “Say vvvvvaaaggg, c’mon Kelly, YOU CAN DO THIS!”
      Well, that and you give me my spoonful of haha every morning when I need a good laugh.
      Also, not on vacation yet, but I will be thinking of your bits while there.

  9. Wait a minute….I’m pretty sure kumquat is just another name Elly has for her girly bits….just sayin.

  10. Keep bloggin’!

    I hate, hate, HATE to read and I basically skim around blogs and pick and choose content that appeals to me. But your blog and NCP’s are the only two I check with regularity. Not sure if that’s a compliment, but it does say something about your ability to keep this easily-distracted child-brain entertained.

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • dufmanno

      Really?

      I definately have a similar child brain but unfortunately mine does me no favors in everyday life.
      Lack of maturity, inabilitly to cope, no attention span, easily confused, cries about not getting the last cupcake etc.
      I would make great fodder for an aggressive analyst.

  11. Ok, I can’t remain silent any longer. Clearly, it’s my bosoms that will pave my way to golden showers atop an Isuzu Rodeo… Maybe I read that wrong.

    I totally know what you mean though. I have some awesome friends IRL, and I mean awesome. One has helped me move maybe 5 times, and 3 of those times were within 2 months and over 50 miles! Another loaned me over $1000 after knowing me for almost 6 months. (yes I repaid him shortly after)

    You guys are the friends that can’t help me move, or lend me money, but make my day a lot happier. The random conversations, comment-sandwiches and words of encouragement are incredible and online friends are every bit as real as a friend IRL, with few inherent limitations.

  12. Pingback: Come On Ride the Train | BugginWord

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