Epiphany

This week many things took place in this household.

For starters, I kept casting long sullen glances at my blog after coming to the sudden realization that I was better at the disjointed nonsensical ramblings of twitter than I was posting here.

Well, if I could ever figure out the maze of deceptive and confusing caverns that Twitter is made up of anyway.

I DO tend to run out of characters in the middle of a thought and I never check the @replies to my chatter.

Like I said over there; I’m the equivalent of a Twitter hit and run artist. I fire a shot over the bow and walk away never staying to clean up the aftermath.

Last night I got a disciplinary email from the administrators at the mighty Club Penguin. For those of you not familiar, I won’t go into brain numbing details but suffice to say it’s a kids online world made up of penguins and igloos and games for kids to play.

Each one of my kids has an account and my five-year old takes it VERY seriously.

When one of his penguins “puffles” (this is a penguin pet) died from neglect (he did not feed, walk, wash or play with it) he would spontaneously burst into tears during the week he was sitting Shiva and aim his balled up fists at the sky and yell “WHY GOD, WHY?!”

I knew the guilty party was my daughter who was off site participating in the usually forbidden school day sleepover at her best friends house. When confronted with the evidence this morning in the car, both girls turned white as a ghost while offering protests too weak to be considered seriously.

I muddled past my annoyance and disapproval and enjoyed making them squirm for the five minutes we had together in transit.

The following is my correspondence with the support team. Notice I make a lame attempt to exonerate them by claiming they were not near a computer and could never have done this. This is a blatant lie and a last-ditch attempt at saving “Arty Artica”.

Hello Kelly,

Thanks for taking the time to contact us at Club Penguin Support.

Looking into the account ‘Arty Artica’ I am able to see that it was recently banned for continued use of Inappropriate Language. If you would like a more detailed description of the ban history I can provide you with exactly what was said on the account.   

**Please be aware that these messages may contain explicit language which may not be suitable for all eyes.

I would like to assure you that it is not possible for someone to ‘hack’ into a penguin account that does not belong to them.  We have many security features in place to prevent this from happening.  

All passwords in Club Penguin are protected by 128-bit encryption.  This is the same type of security that banks use.  This type of security makes it literally impossible for anyone to decipher a penguin password. It would actually take years for this to be done and it would not be worthwhile for anyone interested in accessing a penguin account.

The only possible way that a penguin account can be accessed is with the exact account password that is attached to the penguin. The following are the only ways that someone could access a penguin account:

1. If the password is shared with someone.

2. If the ‘Remember Me’ and/or ‘Remember my Password’ option is selected on a public or shared computer.

3. If the password is simply too easy to figure out.

For more information about how we handle information passed through and collected by Club Penguin, we welcome you to view our Privacy Policy at the following link: 

http://www.clubpenguin.com/privacy.htm

If you have any other questions, please feel free to let us know.

Kindest Regards,

Andrew

Club Penguin Support 

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

  ORIGINAL MESSAGE – do not edit below this line  

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

> From: kduffy@id**************

> Date: May 13, 2010 – 08:31 PM

> To: kduffy@i*****************

>

> Dear Club Penguin Membership,

> I find this a little suspect as my kids haven’t played Club Penguin in  

> months .

> I suppose someone may have hacked an account, so I suppose it’s better  

> to have it deleted.

> Thank you,

> Kelly Duffy

> Sent from my iPhone

> On May 13, 2010, at 7:03 PM, “billing@clubpenguin.com

> <billing@clubpenguin.com  > wrote:

> >

> > Dear Kelly Duffy

> >

> > Thank you for your continued Club Penguin membership, however the  

> > penguin account Arty Artica has been banned forever and the  

> > membership has been cancelled.

> >

> > The penguin account Arty Artica was banned forever on May 13, 2010.  

> > The membership associated with this account has been cancelled and  

> > you will no longer be billed.

> >

> > Everyone on Club Penguin must play within the rules agreed to when  

> > an account is created. To keep our site safe, accounts that break  

> > the rules are banned.  The Club Penguin Rules are listed at the end  

> > of this email.

> >

> > If you would like more information, or have questions about the bans  

> > on this account please contact support@clubpenguin.com. Please  

> > include the transaction number from your membership email for  

> > verification.

> >

> > Sincerely,

> >

> > The Club Penguin Team

> >

> >

> > Club Penguin Rules

> > 1) Respect other penguins – Club Penguin does not tolerate any  

> > swearing, bullying or mean behavior toward other penguins.  

> > Disciplinary action will be taken should any one of these occur  

> > while playing.

> > 2) Never reveal your personal information – The best way to stay  

> > safe online is to NEVER share your real name, phone number, address,  

> > email or passwords.

> > 3) No inappropriate talk – References to drugs and alcohol related  

> > activities, and sexual, racial or otherwise inappropriate talk are  

> > not permitted.

> > 4) No Cheating – Any use of third party programs to cheat is not  

> > allowed. Players who use any third party programs while playing risk  

> > being permanently banned.

> >

>  

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

  Ticket ID: 10973135-54128 

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> 

Good job kids.

They moved from calling my friends and I whores (or hores as they like to spell it) on Facebook to destroying the lives of small children on Club Penguin.  That grinding noise you hear is what remains of my teeth after having to clench my jaw no less than a thousand times this week.

I’d also like to add that the WordPress spellcheck insists that the Club Penguin email is riddled with spelling and grammar errors but I could not compromise my journalistic integrity by altering them.

I know you are impressed.

So anyway, after all that hurly burly things are somewhat back to normal and the weekend schedule is packed.

I promise to  return to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow morning!

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8 Comments

Filed under banned for life, club penguin, delinquints, disciplinary email, twitter

8 responses to “Epiphany

  1. Alas, poor Arty. We will miss him. He’s in a better place filled with sardines and penguin whores.

    • dufmanno

      Tragic really. Arty had become like part of the family. Well except he was a virtual penguin, but whatever.
      You’re right, it’s better to be in a land abundant in fresh fish and loose women.

  2. I had no idea Club Penguin was run by such douchebags…

    • dufmanno

      It’s so true.
      All I kept thinking was “this dude has some seriously delicate sensibilities”.
      Oh well, we’ll just open up a new account because I like to throw money at people who reject me.

  3. Club Penguin sounds a little too good to be true… kind of like… hhhmmmm…. Scientology…

    • dufmanno

      Yeah, we here at the Dufmanno household don’t do too well in these Utopian societies.
      I need a commune for the badly behaved and the easily forgiven.
      I’m big on the idea of large groups of people watching my kids (it takes a village you know) and might even warm to the idea of a sister wife.
      Wait, no.
      I’ve been watching too much Big Love.

  4. What did the girls say to warrant the death of Arty?! And I am LOL @ your little one sitting SIVA for puffles. Awww….

    Love your description of how you tweet. Hit and run artist.

    • dufmanno

      I actually did some research and found out they had been temporarily banned FOUR times prior to being banished forever. So now I have even less sympathy for these heathens.
      All my kids attend Hebrew pre-school prior to being thrust into the cold hard talons of Catholic education so my little guy is still under the impression that we are Jewish. Hence the mourning ritual of his chosen religion.
      I finally break the news the morning they are pushed into the new school building by giving them a quick Roman Catholic tutorial.
      “Have fun, don’t curse, the guy with the flowing hair is Jesus, the princess with the blue dress and crown is Mary- GOOD LUCK”

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