photo courtesy of Prince of Petworth

A lot of people find this hard to believe but I’m somebody’s mother. 

Long ago, I used to frantically search the recesses of my mind trying to piece together what sort of parent I would end up being. 

Now that I know the answer to that question, I’m slightly unnerved. 

Regardless, I will enjoy my cards and adoration that I have about a 50% chance of receiving (although the kids came home with some cute stuff that school forced them to do for me) even though we all know the greatest mothers day gift would have been an announcement that the Police were reuniting for a small intimate club tour that only a hundred or so people with undying devotion were invited to. 

So, think of Mom on this day whether she’s here or not, near of far away, because always remember; she gave you life and you probably gave her a wicked headache. 

p.s. please note that I made not one disparaging comment about my own larger than life mother who looms like the shadow of doom over every move we make. Whoops.



Filed under I have HOW many kids?, mothers day, thanks mom

7 responses to “Mom

  1. Angel

    My goodness you had me panicking there for a moment. I googled “mothers day” in a tizzy and have just found out it is celebrated in the USA in May.

    We celebrate it here in March, I thought I had entered some weird sort of time warp.

    I hope you have a lovely day.

    • dufmanno

      Don’t panic!
      It’s a stupid yankee tradition to move the holiday around to confuse the Brits!
      We went to trivia night last night and had several questions about your electoral process and leaders.
      Made me think of you:)

  2. I am stoked. I ordered myself a Flip for Mother’s Day. Yeah, you read that right. I am way over that whole thing where I would hope they would get me something, let alone something good. I figure, abortion is legal in this country, I chose to give birth, I should be able to choose what I get for birthing them. Oh yeah, look out interwebz, Wicked Shawn is about to have HD video capabilities.

    • dufmanno

      Fuck Yeah!
      Those flip recorders are incredible and come in wonderful assorted colors to match your personality (or your outfit depending on how particular you are)
      The fat man ponied up during the holidays and got my eleven year old daughter a pink and white one but I’ve already stolen it on several occasions.
      I’m waiting for your web show.
      That last line sounded a little to iCarly for me.

      • Oh I’ve been looking at those flips with much adoration. Are they all you dreamed they would be? So so so curious…

        Might as well make this my official comment while I’m at it, eh? Even though I haven’t shot anything out of my vag…wait, must revise that statement…any offspring out of my vag, can I still crash that intimate Police reunion gig? Remember I use to play center. I can box out like nobodies business securing you a swift path down the middle so you can “layup” into Stew’s lap.

  3. dufmanno

    I really like the flip and it’s compact and easy to sneak into places you wouldn’t ordinarily bring a regular video camera, like your vag.
    Just kidding.
    Speaking of shooting things out of your private bits, our friends used to live in Thailand and they said several more talented street performers used to be able to shoot ping pong balls out of *there* with deadly aim.
    Imagine getting hit right between the eyes with a vajayjay propelled ping pong ball? That’s a story for the grandkids.

  4. When I think about what I might have done to a spawn of me I realize you all owe me a debt of gratitude that I chose to not shoot a devil child out of the girl bits.

    You are very welcome. Also? I think you are probably one of the coolest moms!

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