Facebook Used In Devious Revenge Plot

Yesterday  was a  long eventful, action packed extravaganza that started at 5 am, included school trips to the Air and Space museum with a bunch of 3rd graders, various shuttling between friends homes and a late supper.

Apparently at some point I angered and annoyed my children enough that they would attempt to socially destroy me for fun.

In retaliation for all this schlepping around someone quietly took  my Iphone logged  into my Facebook account and left obscene ramblings for some of my friends that ended up on the news feed for everyone to see.

They included explanations of why I was a bitch, told everyone that I had been quietly having plastic surgery (to which I’m sure all my pals said “I knew it!”) and referred to me as a whore and a gobshite and other assorted foul things. The dead giveaway that this was not me was the misspelling of various curse words.

Anyone who knows me knows I would never get an expletive wrong.

And I’m sorry, a whore? (or as they spelled it; hore) I haven’t officially qualified for whore status since the last time the occupants of a tour bus threw me out onto a curb! The NERVE!

I had to vault over a concrete wall with the kind of speed and agility reserved for criminals escaping and Steve Prefontaine during a track meet and commandeer the computer of one of my dear friends to remove the smut from the Facebook universe. 

Sadly it was basically too late. The news feed had already fed into several friends blackberries and apparently it stays there frozen solid in permanence even though it’s been wiped from the main page.

So, thanks kids!

Next time you decide to hatch a revenge plot, make sure you don’t choose friends of mine who are even more foul-mouthed and tempered than I am. More importantly, I now know of the bottomless depths of your subterfuge and will be waiting suspiciously around every corner until you leave for college.

Even better, I’m going to throw out all those parenting books I’ve read and wreck a little havoc of my own. How does that sound? 

 Not so funny anymore is it?

 When you upset your primary caregiver you have just bitten the hand that feeds, clothes, chauffeurs, hugs and kisses you.

Not giggling so much now, huh?

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17 Comments

Filed under behavior problems in kids, facebook, how to use facebook to ruin your mother, revenge, things that deserve jail time, why my kids can't be trusted

17 responses to “Facebook Used In Devious Revenge Plot

  1. Yet another advantage of having a dog instead of kids… she has no opposable thumbs… so she cannot post what I am sure she is thinking of me on the interwebs.

    • dufmanno

      Yeah, but my dogs exact revenge by pooping all over my throw rugs and shedding on my clothes.
      Now that I think about it, perhaps removing the opposable thumbs of my kids might be an improvement.

  2. Wow.

    You know, those kids should realize that if anybody is capable of inflicting long-term, wide-ranging social devastation, it’s your parents.

    When you’re grown-up the damage is pretty much done, isn’t it? And it’s usually self-inflicted. But I guess kids are too stupid to realize that.

    On the other hand, you, my friend, will have unlimited opportunities to make their social lives utterly miserable until they are legally freed from indentured servitude. If I were you, I’d start photocopying naked baby pictures to distribute throughout the school.

    By the way, I just volunteered to be a chaperon for my daughter’s preschool class trip to the zoo. Now I’m rethinking it. Linny has started saying “dammit” and, more recently, “dong dammit.”

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • dufmanno

      Sad part is, the school class trip was actually fun and informative.
      It’s the insane amount of time we spend shuttling from one activity to another after school that makes people fray at the edges. If they are stuck waiting for a sibling to finish practice or picking up from a friends house they begin acting positively crazy.
      And then we see crazy incidents like this.
      I told them that facebook abuse is a federal offense and that they could”GO TO JAIL!”
      You should have seen them tear up.

  3. Angel

    My goodness I have to admit to being slightly shocked. You appear to have handled it better than I would have. I think I would have mentally imploded with the stress of it all.

    What worries me is that I may have all this to come with my niece. I suddenly have this urge to change all of my passwords and hide my mobile telephone.

    I am sending a hug your way – you sound as though you may need one 🙂

    Take care,
    Angel.

    • dufmanno

      It took about 24 hours before I could actually chuckle about it, but thankfully I have friends who merely laughed it off. That is why I make it a point to have buddies who refuse to be scandalized by things such as this.
      They just laugh at my misfortune and get ready to gossip about my unruly children.

  4. Irene

    Whoa.

    Does it speak badly of me that I now would like to be your FB friend? I’m sorry I missed this, which I know is bad, don’t get me wrong, but just a tad bit… funny.

    Then again, the husband and I had a serious talk recently about finally starting our own family… I suspect I will pay for being amused at your misfortune.

    • dufmanno

      It is my hope for you that your future kids will never steal your iphone or reprogram your household butler robot to murder you in your sleep. Because you know as soon as I purchase Jeeves the handy home helper aide to assist me in my old age getting up the stairs that they will sneak in here and mess with his fail safe button, resulting in my untimely death.
      When you read in the papers that this has happened to me, please let the authorities know you have information on the case.

  5. That is appalling, and I am sorry, but crazy funny in a sick sort of modern day “Omen” children way! The beauty though is that when your children are teenagers they will make it so easy for pay back! Believe me everything you do will embarrass them…remember this day and remember your day will come! Take a lot of photographs.

    • dufmanno

      I’m not sure that I feel comfortable “upping the ante” because I fear I will be outdone every time.
      They are bordering on diabolical NOW and they are only 5, 9 & 11.

  6. Janet

    Frankly, I thought they were refering to me as a “hore” and I thought: how do they know? Just imagine if they used their powers for good. Good luck my friend and let me know if your happy with your plastic surgeon.

    • dufmanno

      I need a plastic surgeon to remove the mask of permament disgust that has taken over my face.
      And aren’t we all just a little bit of a “hore” underneath it all?

  7. I can’t believe I missed it. Summabitch. See what happens when I don’t have a working phone and it’s a nice day out?!?

    Aren’t you a little tempted to hack back? In other news, that’s why I just write all the horribly embarrassing things myself. I mean, other than hacking my account and declaring my undying love for Rod Stewart, how bad could it really be?

    • dufmanno

      You better watch it or someone with an appetite for destruction will have you signed up for the Rod Stewart fan club in no time.
      You would be eligable for a lifetime supply of whatever hair gel he uses to get his coif that elevated and pre-sale advantages for tickets and meet and greets.

  8. Holy shit! How did I miss this? Serves me right for not harnessing the power of the Book.

    Thankfully my kids aren’t old enough to hack my accounts. Because they totally would. I know it.

    • dufmanno

      I’m fast, so I literally read it, jumped a wall, pushed someone off their own computer, logged into my facebook and hit “REMOVE”.
      Not sure why everyone I know with a blackberry could still see it even after refreshing the page, but see it they did.
      When I look back at baby photos now, I find myself looking for ANY sign of what went wrong but all I see are happy sweet giggling children.
      That makes it all the more chilling.

  9. Every time we get together with our friend Druncle Bad Touch he gets a new status. The Last one was “Is looooooving his new ass chaps”. The sad part now is that he is desensitized to it. I think that means we need to up the ante and have him friend request his ex-wife.

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