Did you ever have a moment that brought down your meticulously crafted but mostly flimsy house of cards?
Yeah, okay so I’ve had roughly fifteen or so of these incidents but let me tell you about one with a groupie with a heart of gold (which essentially is like saying a hooker with a heart of gold because let’s just be honest here) who thought she could do an awesome cart-wheel and then found out she couldn’t.
And even worse.
Everyone knew before she did.
I had shown everyone what I imagined to be my precise, well executed gymnastic maneuver never knowing that my legs were bent and splayed and not extended gracefully like I imagined . I also never really got the kind of liftoff needed for a proper landing so I came down kind of sideways very near where I started. AND, I had been doing this for years.
In my mind I was flying through the air with the ease of Nadia Comaneci while in reality everyone was watching a very awkward sub par display.
Thankfully, after deciding to “help” my daughter learn how to cart-wheel we had a captive private audience in my backyard that consisted only of family and that is where I learned the awful truth.
After a baffled look from my little girl who clearly stated “THAT was a cart-wheel?!”, my husband took me aside and gave me a gentle talk while trying to stifle laughter.
At first I refused to believe.
I do a fucking GREAT cart-wheel, I said to myself.
Eventually reality set in and I accepted this grim reality about myself vowing never to attempt a manuver like this ever again lest I embarrass myself.
Until last week.
When during a Girl Scout meeting, my troop were attempting to do cartwheels across the lawn during a beautiful spring day and I thought to myself “why not?”
With a group of twenty little gymnastically challenged girls cheering me on I made a running start to gain some momentum for my last chance at a medal. Well, a medal in my mind anyway, but I digress.
When I left the ground I knew immediately that I nailed it because I spent entire time willing my legs to extend and my arms to stay outright to support my weight. I locked my elbows and knees and prayed that the landing would go equally well.
I finished to applause and gasps not of horror, but of ENVY.
Someone even stopped their car on the way down the street to watch me and got out to clap.
It was perhaps the most awesome cart-wheel I have ever done in my life.
Like an extremely strong robust teabag full of fantastic leaves, steeped for an hour in the most scalding mug of piping hot water, resulting in a delicious cup of wonderful.
I’ll take my gold medal now.