In Today’s News

So.

Remember that whole post below where I ranted and raved like an unhinged lunatic about how worthless sea monkeys were?

Yeah.

Well, I need to print a retraction because……they’re ALIVE.

I didn't do this much work on the sea monkeys

This morning, tiny sea monkeys were swimming all around the tank.

Are they impressive?

No.

Do they have crowns, spears, smiling faces?

No

But they are alive.

Cue gentle music..

Perhaps in the end, the sea monkeys had a lesson to teach me. That lesson, I think, was something about patience.

But I’m not really sure. Whatever.

In other news, my mother’s entire existence as a fear mongering worry wart that spreads dreadful statistics and nightmarish news clippings was validated this weekend when her own grandson fell victim to the “untied shoe lace caught in the escalator” case scenario.

She has been waiting for this since they installed escalators in the Nanuet Mall in the 70’s.

Shoe laces and shredded legs.

She would make us stop, tie our shoe laces make sure we jumped clear of the jaws of metal death at the bottom where you could apparently have your entire leg shredded by this receptacle of doom.

If you were dumb enough to bend down to try to free your leg that was being torn off  by the metal teeth would surely have your long hair ensnared in no time.

Then it would crush your head and eat your brain.

What a shredded hamburger like mess.

When they came to take you away and slopped all your bits and parts that remained onto the stretcher they would commiserate with your mother.

“NEVER get on an escalator with an untied shoe.”

“I TOLD her a THOUSAND TIMES!”

For the record, my son (her grandson) gave a tug and his shoelace came right out.
According to my mother, he barely survived.

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7 Comments

Filed under Adventure, afternoon time wasters, fear, house of fun, near death experience, shoelace in escalator, your mother is always right

7 responses to “In Today’s News

  1. Oh no!

    You better keep your son away from bridges and large groups of suicidal friends then.

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • dufmanno

      I’m afraid it’s too late for that.

      I can say it was almost worth it to see the triumphant look of pure smug that spread across her face while she told the story.

  2. Angel

    Yay for the Sea Monkeys 🙂

    As for the shoelace eating escalator, is it just me or have you ever wanted to wait until one is really full then hit the emergency stop button and run for it.

    I am so relieved to hear your son escaped and I hope he wasn’t too upset over his ordeal. I don’t want to scare you but I have heard they have quite an apetite for stilettos as well.

    I have always had an irrational fear of lifts and what I would do if the cable broke, my Dad gave me this wonderful piece of advice – wait until they are just about to hit the floor then jump in the air. Works every time apparently 🙂

    Sorry I’m rambling – and I’m having a lot of trouble ending this comment. I’ll go now before I think of anything else to say.

    Take Care,
    Angel.

  3. Pretty sure your mom and my mom are soul mates.

    Leaving the house in the evening always needed a warning
    “Be careful, it’s a dark night out there!”

    Um…

    • dufmanno

      Can you imagine them having brunch?
      “Driving, IN A DOWNPOUR! Have you ever heard of something so reckless?”

      “I just caught her eating lunchmeat that was EXPIRED! And we watched a show last week where that poor girl DIED doing just that.”

      “How about swimming at dusk? Right as the sharks come out to feed, that idiot is paddling away OBLIVIOUS of the danger!”

      • Just so you know if you don’t call right at the specified time you must be chopped up and left for dead in the gutter. Okay?

        Oh and going to NYC in August…..GAHHH THE INTERNET IS GOING TO KILL YOU AND STEAL YOUR IDENTITY! (and mine)

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