Mean Ghosts, Hungry Bears, Mystery Diagnoses and Addictive Personalities

Note to self. Look for bears next time.

I’ve just come off back to back viewings of I Shouldn’t Be Alive and Mystery Diagnosis and frankly I’m traumatized.

 There needs to be some sort of unspoken rule, contract or understanding between producer and viewer guaranteeing that  the people appearing are required to  SURVIVE so that I can have my feel good phew moment at the end where I wipe my brow and realize that even if I do have that ailment or find myself face to face with a grizzly there will be a happy outcome.

I thought I had it bad  on the evening when I went for the Paranormal StateIntervention A&E one two punch. I spent the rest of my night looking for disgruntled ghosts in my dining room and making lists of the things that might give you a predisposition to addiction. Hey that  girl sounds a LOT like me! I need to check my drawers for heroin!

I believe, I do , I do.

Now, getting back to the shows specializing in survival. Mystery Diagnosis is always a bad idea because everyone has a non descript headache with a rash that has them shaking hands with death halfway through the episode. Then everyone’s all like “my GOD! I have a headache RIGHT NOW!!!”

Hello sleepless night, I’ll be propping my eyelids open with toothpicks to keep checking my pulse and color.

I Shouldn’t Be Alive is a whole different can of worms. Extreme conditions, fights for survival against all odds and USUALLY the featured character is a little roughed up and wiser but still ALIVE.

Yesterday’s show featured a woman who stopped to look at a lovely watering hole in the woods and had both of her kids fucking eaten by a big angry bear. Then the bear charged her and tore through a few limbs before leaving her for dead to pursue some other innocent bystanders.

Nice.

Where is the hope people? I can’t watch things like this.

Not only was I completely blindsided by this turn of events but I feel you violated an unwritten rule. These people all need to have happy endings to show us that it is indeed possible to survive an illness that your doctor can’t peg and a surprise attack by a man-eating lunatic bear.

Gosh, what a disappointment.

Advertisements

14 Comments

Filed under 1, Bad cable shows, fear, ghosts on paranormal state

14 responses to “Mean Ghosts, Hungry Bears, Mystery Diagnoses and Addictive Personalities

  1. OK, I can handle “Intervention,” because I can always reassure myself with the notion that I’m not a meth-using victim of abuse from a broken home with an eating disorder, so I’m probably safe.

    But “I Shouldn’t Be Alive”?! I can’t even handle the advertisements for that show. And the font on “Paranormal State” freaks me right out. Seriously.

    • dufmanno

      Yeah, but what about the “she had it all” Intervention episode where the fun loving cheerleader with great grades and a scholarship to Yale takes one drink at a party and now spends all day hooking on the corner to get money to pay for vodka? That shit is scary because my life never had any of that potential so clearly I should be the one turning tricks.
      Paranormal State has me hooked despite how hokey it can be. I’m all like “JUST TAKE A PICTURE AND SHOW THE WORLD, STOP YAMMERING ON ABOUT DEMONS ALREADY!”

  2. Having your kids be eaten by bears causes cancer.

    • dufmanno

      I smell a combo show in the future.

      • Irene

        Grammar, she was not on my side.

        Jesus! I love Intervention but after the last time Patrick found me curled up in a ball on the couch, crying my eyes out, he forbade me to watch anymore. He likes his women emotionally stable, apparently.

        Men.

  3. I’m more of a hoarders gal.

  4. I feel the same way about “Two and a Half Men.” Oh the nightmares.

    • dufmanno

      Don’t even get me started on that show.
      I have a morbid fascination with watching because of the uneasy feeling I get that I’m but one step away from falling into a crevice between garbage piles and getting stuck.
      This sadly means I would die mired in my own filth, which if you think about it is rather fitting.

      • dufmanno

        Wait, that was supposed to be for Chelle but strangely it kind of fits with Two and a Half Men also.
        The nightmares, the filth, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

  5. I used to TiVo Mystery Diagnosis. Then I stopped.

    Everyone was sweaty.

    And lost weight.

    And threw up.

    And had alien babies.

    And moved to Pluto.

    And figured out how to travel into the future while balancing family life with a thriving cattle ranch /organic ice cream business

    B-O-R-I-N-G.

    • dufmanno

      You know what I hate the most?
      They keep upping the ante and then going to commercial. Then they repeat the whole situation like four hundred times for those just tuning in.
      I felt betrayed since I had been sitting there ROOTING for this person to JUST FUCKING LIVE since the second the show started.
      Speaking of ice cream, did you see the one where the healthy teenage girl nearly drops dead on the spot after eating ice cream that was cross contaminated by the truck used to transport it?

  6. This is exactly why I don’t watch the news. Did you read about the woman who was mauled by her own monkey? Terrible.

    (although funny to type)

    • dufmanno

      For anyone even considering owning a primate.
      I give you this copy of MONKEY SHINES.
      Enjoy it and learn exactly how badly every monkey (yes even the cute funny ones) wants to kill us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s