Hey guys, how are you?
I know I’ve spoken to you about this before but maybe we need a refresher course or some sort of memory booster shot to keep it fresh in your mind.
There has been many a woeful night where I walked to the bathroom in inky blackness only to flop down on to a toilet seat soaked in ice-cold urine and gifted myself with a tactile memory that will remain forever chiseled in stone.
Today, armed with a bucket of bleach and a scrub brush, I confronted something that despite the lack of weekly scrubbing could only have been deliberate.
A gargantuan puddle of urine right at the base of the commode.
It was as if someone squatted and peed all over their own feet and the toilet base before adding a full spray along the back of the lid for extra pizzazz.
You know, I understand that having grown up an only child in a house that had four bathrooms and no boys shielded me from the realities of such things but can you please look where that stream is going?
Occasionally I indulge in a quick daydream where I am alone in a pristine spa bathroom engulfed in complete silence. No one else is allowed to use this sanctuary and I smile to myself as a gaze over at my gleaming dry toilet while I relax in a hot bubble bath.
Then I snap the hell out of it and realize the bleach fumes have gone to my head.