Rock Star Regret

Not every moment in rock history was a “I’m a golden god!” type of case scenario. Sure there’s lots of hanging from chandeliers, tossing TV’s out of hotel windows and sleeping with willing groupies but for each one of those treasured memories there are probably five they’d like to forget. 

Plaster Caster

 

 Oh Cynthia Plaster Caster groupie genius with the best made up job in the world. Hundreds of impulsive young musicians jumped at the chance to be immortalized frozen in permanent limbo for all the world to see. Then they sobered up and realized that after that blow job and all those giggles an actual life-size replica of their genitalia was going to be on display. 

You want to put mine up next to Hendrix? Yeah, that sounds great! Wait, NO! 

Do you ever find  yourself wondering what Peter Gabriel might be thinking? 

I know, me too. 

Here he is during his stint with Genesis participating in some sort of flower shenanigans. You know the entire band is praying that he’ll leave so Phil Collins can front a watered down version of this once mildly interesting band. 

I imagine he's great fun at parties.

 Despite the misstep with the outfit you’ve got to love a guy who leaves and writes Solsbury Hill and Shock the Monkey. 

No one puts Stewart in a corner, or behind a drumkit or whatever!

Stewart Copeland- tube socks and gym shorts make the man. 

Everybody loves Stewart Copeland. 

It’s not a subject that’s up for debate so people end up arguing about the magnitude of his greatness instead. 

He’s FUCKING awesome. 

NO! He’s so fucking awesome MY HEAD IS ON FIRE WITH CERTAINTY. 

Do you hear him beating the shit out of that snare drum? That is so awesome it made my life finally worth living. 

And so on. 

I’ve always loved this guy, his sticks and his ability to make the drums sound like the most important instrument in the Police but the stage clothes he was sportin’ in the 80’s had me narrowing my eyes and giving quizzical looks while planning our wedding. 

This outfit  was clearly born out of necessity (that would be two solid sweaty hours of savage ass kicking thundering drums ) and convenience. And as always with Stewart, all is forgiven. 

He rocked the tube socks.

Billy Squier sports a pink tee destroys career in two minutes flat. 

I'm going to dance badly for a few more minutes on these sheets. Then watch me rip this shirt. Like the Hulk does!

 Someone should have stopped him when pink jammies and silk sheets were mentioned for the video shoot for Rock Me Tonight. 

But no.  

 This guy had the Robert Plant on tropical holiday hair, catchy guitar riffs and lots of hit songs. He wrote his own ticket and then sadly had to cash it in because of this unfortunate choice of shirt and a badly choreographed video. Sniff. 

How are we getting away with this?

Simon Le Bon wears curtain tassel from mom’s drapery in new romantic pirate fashion.  

 So what can we learn from people who dress like ethereal woodsprites with severely colored asymmetrical hair?  We know that it’s easier to hire hot girls to wrestle  soft core porn style for our other smash video Girls on Film and to dress like Indiana Jones looking to get lucky on Sri Lanka for Hungry Like the Wolf. 

 Strangely this did not diminish his masculine appeal for me but Andy’s frilly shirt and all that leather left me confused. 

Minus gauze.

Stevie Nicks

When I think of Stevie Nicks I get a warm reassuring flashback from the 70’s. I’m in the large open living room of my childhood home and my dad is putting Rumors on the turn table. This is how I like to remember her. Before she got tangled up in all that gauzy extra clothing that I don’t think she has any remorse about.  But I do. 

Henry. Why all the screaming?

Rollins. 

 Y’ know. Maybe I’m biased because some hooligan started a riot and caused the wooden barrier holding back the frenzied audience to collapse  sending me to the hospital with a broken arm during one of his concerts but I wonder if he has any second thoughts about all that ranting and screaming? 

 As the ambulance pulled away with my rain soaked and busted up body I imagined him standing shaking his head in sorrow and handing me a free signed t-shirt. It never happened. Not sure if he’s sorry or not.

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17 Comments

Filed under 1, billy squier, duran duran, golden god, Henry Rollins, music, peter gabriel, plaster caster, reasons no famous people will talk to me, rock and roll regrets, stevie nicks, stewart copeland

17 responses to “Rock Star Regret

  1. There must be something wrong with me because I LOVED that Billy Squier video and it was driving me crazy because I forgot the name of the song. Thank you! My husband thanks you (no, actually he doesn’t).

    Oh, Stewart’s tube socks! Jesus that guy had long legs. And teeny tiny shorts. And pretty fluffy hair, and those long stringy strong arms… Hmmm.

    Oh, yes, what was I saying? Ah, and don’t forget the headband he wore more recently. Rockin’!

    • dufmanno

      Billy went down in flames after the Rock Me Tonight episode. The shirt ripping cemented it. What a spectacular demise.
      We used to run around in 6th grade in our gym uniforms ,which looked suspiciously like Stewart’s stage clothes, and pretend to jump off the drum riser . Then we would get back to planning our underage weddings.

  2. Henry Rollins is sorry.

    Ok, I looked up Henry Rollins in IMDB to find a reason to make fun of what he’s doing today, and found that he played a character in a video called The Ballad of GI Joe for Funny or Die.

    So, maybe he’s just been too busy to send you a “thinking of you” card with a picture of a duck in a rain bonnet looking rather sad.

    • dufmanno

      I agree. Henry really is notoriously nice. I emailed him once about east coast tour dates and he replied within five minutes with the right information.
      Not to mention that Rollins Band was only one band on the bill that evening. I could have been angry at Helmet, Primus, Filter or any number of people who riled the crowd up prior.

      • Henry played ANOTHER skinhead roll on Sons of Anarchy at the beginning of this season. I still love him. Typecasting and all. Le’sigh! He really probably did feel bad. I had the incredible good fortune of meeting him a long time ago, LOOOONG time ago, OMJ, the man is….okay, I will just mail my panties too, it will explain everything. (yes Elly, I am wearing panties today. You’re welcome)

  3. Do I even have to say it? Instead, I’ll just mail you these panties (which should have a nice crust on them by the time they reach you) as my comment on the Stewart Copeland section.

    • dufmanno

      You continue to inspire me.
      Stew is such percussion god it wouldn’t even matter if he was cute.
      But he is.
      So score a double for us.
      I want to mop his floppy muppet hair off his sweaty brow one of these days.
      It’s a goal of mine.

  4. Who is this Stewart Colon you keep talking about? He seems neat.

    Peace,
    Shannon

  5. Thank you so much because now I know what my uniform for the Blogher weekend is going to be…
    *running around for my tube socks*

  6. let’s go kick Henry’s ass. We could totally take him.

    • dufmanno

      Yeah, but then he might break into a spoken word monologue and we’d be obligated to sit there for like two hours.

  7. See, this is why I spent my formative years listening to my parents’ music. Yes, the Beatles and the Monkees were long-haired weirdos, but they were long-haired weirdos with dignity. Or at least without tube socks.

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