I’m just now back from an afternoon full of ice skating.
There are a few things I’d like to discuss.
People who have no control over their body movements to start with should not pretend to possess mad skills on the rink by renting hockey skates and barreling out of control at three thousand miles per hour mowing down beginners and children.
Groups of teenagers should not be permitted to hold hands as some sort of social ritual forming a human line that cannot be penetrated by others trying to skate by.
You must skate in the same direction as everyone else.
People who are newly in love should compare skating abilities before hitting the rink. Saw many mismatched levels that caused unwarranted anxiety and bruised egos and asses.
Skating couples that are large on ability shouldn’t be allowed to make out on the ice oblivious to everything around them.
There is nothing more terrifying than the sound of a six-foot four man hitting the ice after a wipeout.
Figure skaters are surly and frightening.
Hockey players are awesome.
The smell of rental skates never comes off.