So Low That I Can’t Ever Get Up Again


God, it’s painful being such a rank amateur sometimes. I just got wind that I had a post over on Aiming Low in mid January and I had no idea because the email they sent ended up in my junk mail folder.

I only got wind of this thanks to my buddy Ry over at  who’s current post on Aiming Low I was reading. Then I realized I’d caused a huge kerfuffle because the one they put up was about how I stole the last jar of Parmesan sprinkle cheese out from underneath the nose of an elderly woman at the Giant. I read the comments and felt like my Grandma was yelling at me for being an ageist asshole from the grave. “Show some respect for the elderly!” and “you’ll be old someday too!” were the common themes along with a few barbs about old people bashing thrown in for good measure.

Because I’d submitted it from my red-headed stepchild blog I thought I could slink away from it and no one would be the wiser, but a few people caught on and now I have to fess up.

I’ll have everyone know that I LOVE the old folks. Unless they are mean, wearing a habit and wielding a behavior modification paddle. In no way did I  mean to diss senior day at the Giant Food Store even though they are the scariest sons of bitches I have ever had the misfortune of shopping with and I promise to show better judgement next Wednesday even if there is only one jar of sprinkle cheese left.

I was all set to set to start blathering on about kick ass robot wars and why John Connor may have been wrong when I got the official confirmation that I am clueless AND I suck, so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for that epic disaster. So Aiming Low, I am sorry I’m such a deadbeat and I promise to make it up to you by handwriting I WILL NEVER AIM SO LOW EVER AGAIN a thousand times on the blackboard during recess.



Filed under 1, aiming low, blogging for amateurs, how did I not know this?, i'm clueless

18 responses to “So Low That I Can’t Ever Get Up Again

  1. Hey, Lloyd, old people like “Cocoon.” Maybe you should try showing it to them.

  2. Most old people make me really said but do you know how many old people have been rude to me. Rude like walk right into me with their shopping cart and then tell me to watch where I was going, that kind of rude. I’d take that cheese and eat it proudly. I’ll have to go read that post of yours.

    • dufmanno

      I have to admit that the elderly folks at the Giant are always mean but I still felt a pang of shame and guilt writing that. I submitted it ages ago and totally forgot until I saw the email in my junk folder. Then I pretended that it wasn’t me for about an hour and had more pangs of guilt. I even sent an apology email to AL.

  3. Oh! A reading assignment – game on! I shall kick the elderly on my way over to Aiming Low. Then I’ll sprinkle them with Parm while they huddle moaning on the floor. See? Now you look like a frickin’ saint! Stick that in your “I heart the elderly vagina face.”

  4. I don’t think the elderly are any meaner than the young. I’d say the proportion of elderly assholes is comparable to that of young assholes. But, no doubt, elderly assholes have some kind of genetic advantage that allow them to outlive the nice, old people and, thus, damage the reputations of old people everywhere.

    In any case, fuck old people. Fuck them figuratively!


    • dufmanno

      Hmm..genetic advantage. That would answer a lot of questions I previously had about them. That being said, I feel like this particular lady was crankier than most and she let me have it when I swiped that container. I actually prefer romano but as fate would have it, this purchase was for my daughter. sigh.

  5. I’m waiting on an email from work, so my two cents as a distraction.

    I read all the comments on aiminglow and they all seemed to be good natured reminders that ‘you’ll be older too’. I didn’t get the sense that you anyone was all that bent out of shape (so to speak).

    • dufmanno

      I guess you are right. I felt like I came across as mean spirited but that might just be my own guilt creeping up on me. Do I qualify as old yet?

  6. you could rear anarchy’s ugly anytime in my book. who doesn’t have a red-headed stepchild blog.. these days at least? i stomped the GIANT grounds as a kid in Gaithersberg — seems to be where time stands still! hugs for the mention!

    • dufmanno

      Gaithersburg? Do our parallel lives ever end? I really am your evil twin. Not only that, I wouldn’t have even seen my mystery post had I not been poking around after reading yours. Can I borrow your truck today? It’s like the arctic circle here today.

  7. I just read all of the comments on that post. And only one seemed to be…offended and she can go fuck her self…

    Just kidding. I think that you should not feel guilty for one minute of your writing. It was how you felt. If it happened again would you react differently?

    • dufmanno

      Nah. Just two weeks ago a scuffle broke out at the very same Giant because someone didn’t move their cart out of the way for an elderly lady. She rammed it like Kit from NightRider fame and sent it careening into a group of others.

  8. Also that women last posted on her own blog on or before june of 2009?!

  9. Okay, so she has a new blog and a twitter account too, I bet she doesn’t even remember that post. You know how the elderly can be.

  10. The next time you find yourself in this situation, just act like you’re completely lost and clueless and in all sorts of pain. Outdo them at their own game, you know?

    Going to be hard for them to make you feel guilty if they think you’re worse off than they are at your young age. Then when you leave, skip out the door and give them the finger.

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