My Mom is Going to Kick Your Mom’s Ass at BlogHer 2010.

Wow. All I can say is that I was completely unaware of exactly HOW many people attend this convention in any given year. I actually stopped for fifteen minutes today and did what some lazy people would consider research on what is offered, who is scheduled to appear and how freaking big this thing has become. Just yesterday I was loitering in the school hallway trying to eavesdrop on a conversation between two mommies who have kids a year younger than mine and who also blog about said adorable children on a daily basis.
“Are you going?”
“Of course I’m going, I hope Scary Mommy is there or ooh, The Bloggess!”
“I would die if I met her!!”
It went on and on but you get the gist. I dared not breathe a word because I would probably get ALL of my kids kicked out of school and myself landed on a DC blacklist of nightmarish undesirables if anyone got a chance to read this half-baked free for all. The shit I say on here I can only yammer on about because my family and friends (minus husband) don’t believe me when I say I have a blog. That’s because they all still labor under the delusion that I am a harmless, lackadaisical do nothing that just putzes around and drives kids to practice. Plus, I never did anything before so what’s to make them think otherwise. I would hate to see the beat down I’d get if my mother EVER got ahold of this.
“Oh yeah, she’s got a blog alright. Have you read it? TRASH! Pure unadulterated nonsense and filth. You think with all the problems in the world she would write about something worthwhile and newsworthy. No, instead she spouts falsehoods about her adoring family and friends. That’s SOME blog alright, she should be ashamed of herself”.
Okay, so maybe she’s not that bad.
Now, on to BlogHer 2010 NYC. Am I allowed to go? I don’t have a real category or anything of much value to say. What about a table for underachievers who just want to go to hang out and have a drink? What is the proper protocol? If I see someone of Dooce or Bloggess status, am I allowed to say “hi” or do they hit me with a stun gun and chain me to a radiator somewhere? Has there ever been a catfight? A drunken brawl? Can guys come? Should I bring my monkey as a prop (or a conversation starter)?
I mean, there are just so many questions and so few answers.

Hey, can I come?


Filed under 1, are losers allowed at these things, blogher 2010, can I come, dooce, nyc, people who blog about nothing, protocol? what protocol?, the bloggess

27 responses to “My Mom is Going to Kick Your Mom’s Ass at BlogHer 2010.

  1. you ARE going.
    ps. I’ll be under the table.

  2. One of my lifelong goals that I just made up right now is to go to BlogHer. Maybe 2012 or something. Not yet. I’z too shy.

    • dufmanno

      Hell Yeah! You should go! So what about shy! I’m a raging idiot that everybody hates and has nothing worthwhile to say. Talk about someone who should stay home, that would be me.
      If you do go in 2012 lets all get rooms next to each other and turn that mother out. You know, like the Beastie Boys say to.

      • It’s on like Kong. 2012. A whole bunch of socially inept bloggers, all hiding under tables with booze in their quivering hands. It’s going to be off the chain.

        I’m such a loser.

  3. The Last Post

    Sounds scary to me. I have always wanted to go to New York maybe I could combine the two. If you should go and see someone hiding in a corner who thinks it is acceptable to wear a snuggie to these occasions (it arrived Yay) come and say hello to me.

  4. It’ll be my very first time. I plan on bringing a “to go” bottle of wine just in case you people are boring. So maybe I’ll just climb under the table with you heathens and we can get the party started.

    • dufmanno

      I’m a BlogHer virgin. That’s like retroactive virginity though. Oh, I feel reborn. Wait, what? The Pope just got mad at me.

  5. interesting. I’m a non-practicing virgin myself… The Pope is well aware.

  6. Wait, you’re not a harmless, lackadaisical do nothing? What the hell am I still reading for?


    • dufmanno

      I’m crafty like that. I also do a terrifying “dead man’s float” in the pool that sends moderately gullible people screaming toward the phone to dial 911.

  7. avapidblonde

    Also can you tell those women you were eaves dropping on that The Bloggess and I are getting married next Monday…I have DM’s to prove it. I haven’t actually told my husband yet or Aunt Becky because I am getting married to her too.

    • dufmanno

      A wedding?! Wait until I tell them, they will crap themselves upon hearing the news. Aunt Becky and your husband will totally understand.
      On a slightly less interesting note, does that hotel have a pool, cause it’s only slightly less scorching than el diablo’s balls in NYC during August. It also helps magnify the mysterious urine smell that permeates the air.

  8. Wow! This is going to be fun.

    Or really, really crappy.

    I plan on hanging in the darkened corner with Ryan and A Vapid Blonde. I’m bringing my blender for frozen drinks.

    Do you think you can pack an extension cord in your suitcase?

  9. I’m torn. I want to be under the drunken shaking table as well, but I’m not a her… Would I have to go drag?

  10. Dude. I’m still waiting to get kicked off the internet for being a poser. I think you’re brave to even consider going to NYC.

    Especially with a monkey.

    • dufmanno

      Nah, I was born and raised in New York, so I have no excuse. I can pay my family a visit while I’m there AND still spend time acting like a fool at BlogHer. I shudder to think how out of place I’ll be but who cares. You should go!

  11. You are going and you are going to come and find me in the bathroom where I’ll be hiding and give me a hug. Bring vapidblonde.

    End of story.

    • dufmanno

      Oh Shitake! Bloggess you rock and you have spoken. Therefore we are all going. Vapid, make sure to wax cause you know there’s a pool we are going to be jumping in.

      • AACK….Oh my god, do you know all about my waxing experiences? I may just break my vagina again for this one.

        How will we know which bathroom?@TheBloggess is going to be hiding in. Probably the one with the huge line out of it waiting for autographs.

  12. I am going to have to beat up my Doctor so I can get some xanax. That or I will steal my husbands, he’s got good shit that way.

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