1. America’s Most Hated Harpie Takes Talons Out of Sex God.
First off, let me get out my “team Anniston” jersey that I sported proudly in support of America’s girl next door, even though she never asked me too, when she was unceremoniously ejected from the worlds most beautiful power couple. Because, DID YOU HEAR? Brad and Angie are OVER!!!!! Now she can stop beating him for his sperm to use and then sucking the life force out of his once dreamy eyes with her vampire undead ways. Now I can spend the rest of the evening fending off barbs from my friends about how spending too much time on US Magazine and People.com rots your brain and proves to others that you are unworthy of their time. Well, screw you high falutin’ pals of mine. Not everything I post smacks of Yeats, or has a whiff of James Joyce. I also have no real grasp of the english language or any discernable talent but the lack of these very vital skills has never stopped me from jumping in with both feet before.
2. Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run.
I found out the difference between a big problem and a little problem from a loud lady with a spiky Kate Gosselin hairdo and got ready to part with my dignity as a parent and a wad of cash.
3. Movies Have the Power to Make Everything All Better.
A surprise viewing of “Say Anything” helped me remember that “Joe lies, Joe lies when he cries” and that Lloyd Dobler was really awesome.
4. What’s That Smell?
Discarded pine tree needles make a fantastic room deodorizer if you can ignore the fact that they have formed a number of tumbleweeds together with the dog hair, dust and bits of scut that fall off the kids in buckets.
5. A Hop Skip and a Jump.
I became concerned about one of my sons running skills when I noticed that he was attempting to kick himself in his own ass during a basketball game. When asked if this was on purpose he laughed and told me it was fun and that he had even managed to get himself once or twice. Marketable skill or another reason to be worried?
6. I’m No Good With A Grudge.
Oh Sting. I know I sometimes mock in anger but I really did love the beard and I’m going to confess to really digging that freaking “Winter” album (still NO on the lute) but you punched a hole in my diaphragm and sucker punched me in the heart when I saw you play with The Roots to benefit Haiti. Dude, you rock.