Things I Learned This Week In No Particular Order

1. America’s Most Hated Harpie Takes Talons Out of Sex God.

First off, let me get out my “team Anniston” jersey that I sported proudly in support of America’s girl next door, even though she never asked me too, when she was unceremoniously ejected from the worlds most beautiful power couple. Because, DID YOU HEAR? Brad and Angie are OVER!!!!! Now she can stop beating him for his sperm to use and then sucking the life force out of his once dreamy eyes with her vampire undead ways.  Now I can spend the rest of the evening fending off barbs from my friends about how spending too much time on US Magazine and People.com rots your brain and proves to others that you are unworthy of their time. Well, screw you high falutin’ pals of mine. Not everything I post smacks of Yeats, or has a whiff of James Joyce. I also have no real grasp of the english language or any discernable talent but the lack of these very vital skills has never stopped me from jumping in with both feet before.

2. Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run.

I found out the difference between a big problem and a little problem from a loud lady with a spiky Kate Gosselin hairdo and got ready to part with my dignity as a parent and a wad of cash.

3. Movies Have the Power to Make Everything All Better.

A surprise viewing of “Say Anything” helped me remember that “Joe lies, Joe lies when he cries” and that Lloyd Dobler was really awesome.

4. What’s That Smell?

Discarded pine tree needles make a fantastic room deodorizer if you can ignore the fact that they have formed a number of tumbleweeds together with the dog hair, dust and bits of scut that fall off the kids in buckets.

5. A Hop Skip and a Jump.

I became concerned about one of my sons running skills when I noticed that he was attempting to kick himself in his own ass during a basketball game. When asked if this was on purpose he laughed and told me it was fun and that he had even managed to get himself once or twice. Marketable skill or another reason to be worried?

6. I’m No Good With A Grudge.

Oh Sting. I know I sometimes mock in anger but I really did love the beard and I’m going to confess to really digging that freaking “Winter” album (still NO on the lute) but you punched a hole in my diaphragm and sucker punched me in the heart when I saw you play with The Roots to benefit Haiti. Dude, you rock.

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18 Comments

Filed under 1, brad and angie bite the dust, does he run funny?, good smells bad smells, jennifer anniston, say anything, sting

18 responses to “Things I Learned This Week In No Particular Order

  1. dufmanno

    Uggg. Okay, scratch that first one. Apparently People Magazine jumped the gun but it was fun to pretend for five minutes.

  2. Brad and Angie are over?! Why, the scandal!
    Good – she is definitely a vampiress. I loved your description 🙂 It was poetic truth!

    • Kelly

      Sources claim the tabloids are grasping at straws and that the brad and Angie split is false. Sadly, that means that I too am incorrect. I despise being wrong.

  3. why do I feel the tables turning here. um, can I come over?

  4. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

    *sigh*

  5. ps Sting makes my ovaries ache.

    • dufmanno

      What is up with that tantric sex god? He is aging in reverse and becoming dangerously virile in the process. I’m normally a Stewart Copeland girl all the way, but it’s hard not to be distracted by all that white hotness.

      • Irene

        You’d have to talk to him, though, and I don’t know, Sting doesn’t seem like he’d have anything to say to normal people.

        Stewart, on the other hand (hmmm, which hand I wonder?)…

  6. Can you be sure that Brad and Angie *aren’t* splitting up?

    If the tabloids said they are splitting up, but they were wrong, then they can’t be trusted. That means that if they reported that they were wrong, then they might have been right after-all.

    You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never trust the tabloids”

    • dufmanno

      I’m withdrawing my troops immediately. Damn, I wish I’d known that sooner.
      So wait, negative + negative = a positive…..or no the law of opposites…or…
      I’m hopelessly confused and losing the war.

  7. they are really aliens trying to get back to the mother ship…

  8. Don’t Brad and Angie break up weekly? Isn’t the news going to be when a week goes by without some kind of dust-up?

    And what did the Gosselin-a do that taught you the difference between a big problem and a small problem? Or were you simply referring to her hair being the difference between a small and big problem?

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • dufmanno

      Normally I don’t pay much attention but for one single day I decieded to be excited about this prospect. Then I felt guilty as there are like four hundred kids involved and one is cuter than the next. Turns out I’m an ass and the tabloids got it wrong AGAIN.
      The Gosselin gal was the behaviourist that gave me the news that my son would make a wonderful dictator or prisoner some day. Clearly a menace to society. I mean he has his days but this lady needs to read The Killing Fields before she calls my kid Pol Pot again.

  9. The Last Post

    Brad and Angie have split up? Sting grew a beard? I really need to stop watching the cartoon and comedy channels and tune into the news occasionally.

    What else has happened in the world I am blissfully unaware of.

    I am definately going to try kicking myself in the backside the next time I run.

    • dufmanno

      No, sadly I’m misinformed. Brad + Angie = Forever in Love.
      You should, however, get thee to Google images and get a gander at Sting a few months ago while he was promoting his On a Winters Night album. Bushy beard, thick wool sweater and brooding good looks are a lethal combo. Trudie is a lucky gal.

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