Superpower Summit

Hey, at least my kid didn't destroy Tokyo....yet

Well ladies and gentlemen, yesterday all the players converged in one small conference room with all their thick reports and strange customs to talk about the big issue. Il Duce.
What this boiled down to was lots of advice, tons of useless jibber jabber, and ultimately, a woman wearing an honest to god Kate Gosselin coif telling me my son was the antichrist.
Because I was having a hard time not being distracted by her hair (did she ask for that cut on purpose?) I began to wonder if some of my sons attention issues were inherited directly from me. 

The list of infractions was long but not suprising including things like stopping others at the threshold and screaming “no  ticket, no entry” and “I am an Imperial Guard, you may not pass”.  They did however confirm some of the sensory and executive function issues we had pretty much known about for ages and  made some useful suggestions for OT and behavior modification. 

Honestly, I preferred the  warm less abrasive style of the nice lady that looked like my aunt Marion so I was  leaning a little bit more toward her rather than the “shock and awe” approach of Kate Gosselin who gave a jarring stream of conciousness tirade of “ten minutes in the life” where she never failed to show her disdain for the tiny classroom monarch. When we asked if she, as a behaviorist, would help train a shadow to assist in the classroom she immediately talked about how she was “far too busy”. 

They ended the session with a shameless book plug (yes, these two penned a book and they mentioned that it was on sale at Amazon!) and a handshake while we were left to sort through two massive reports, an endless list of specialists (none of whom, I found, are taking any new patients) and the cold sweats about the effect this is going to have on our bank account. 

Now comes the long expensive road toward getting this kid the RIGHT kind of help.

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12 Comments

Filed under 1, adhd, can I have a normal day, executive function, meeting with the big guns, meetings and bad news, reasons why I need a vacation, your kid is superbad

12 responses to “Superpower Summit

  1. Also note the Behaviourist had a modulation problem of her own. Voice five times too loud for the venue.

  2. I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to giggle but I couldn’t help it with the “I am an Imperial Guard, you may not pass” thing. I totally want to ask him if he’s the Gate Keeper now.

    In all seriousness, big squishy hugs.

    • dufmanno

      I thought the stab at the Imperial Guard bit was hilarious as well but you have to keep your serious game face on while the “professional early childhood team” is having a go at you. I managed to look concerned but not overly surprised or anxious while wondering how people who wipe the asses of the 2-4 year old set got the upper hand in this situation. Sadly, after all these meetings over the years, I’m a pro. By the way, he is TOTALLY the Gate Keeper.

  3. Maybe he’s just a genius and they can’t handle that.

    Or maybe there are too many good opportunities. I mean, you just can’t pass up a good opportunity and, besides, if you don’t act out for a laugh now and then, you’ll never make anyone laugh. Nobody will. If you’re not laughing, what sort of life is that? What sort of world is that?

    OMG – Your son is saving the world. Kudos.

  4. dufmanno

    Fuckin A! That’s what I tried to tell them! They should probably also get used to the fact that he will be watching them Big Brother style once he’s used his tiny dictator skills to topple the government and take over.

  5. The Last Post

    In all seriousness he could well be very clever and just finds school boring because it doesn’t challenge him enough.

    A similar thing happened to a school friend of mine and when they moved her up a class she excelled at her studies.

    Either way I like the sound of him, we need more people like your son in this world to brighten the place up a bit.

    In a few years time when I hear on the news that the youngest president of the USA has been elected at the age of eighteen I will know who it is.

    My teacher once thought I was a genious waiting to be discovered because I found school boring but alas is was because I genuinely found threading beads more interesting. Oh well 🙂

    • dufmanno

      No one ever accused me of being too smart for my own good but I did spend a good deal of time daydreaming about various ways to erase the age gap between myself and Stewart Copeland and/or Sting.

  6. since when is being a kid not allowed… even to the extreme? what book, do tell? anyone can be a behavioral modificationist. there – I just became one.

    • dufmanno

      DC is notoriously competative and they want specific skills to put them on the Harvard track early on. My son has expressed interest in either being a rock star or a cashier at Game Stop so I don’t think the Harvard degree is necessary. The book they wrote is “Is It a Big Problem or a Little Problem?- When to Worry, When Not to Worry, and What to Do”
      Apparently our problem is BIG and we DO need to worry. Well, according to theses folks anyway.

  7. Gosh it’s so stressful being a parent isn’t it? Sorry you’re having a difficult time.

    My daughter is almost four and last year at our parent teacher meeting they mentioned that she had a tough time sitting still while eating. This just might be an issue so here’s the number of the behavioral specialist. Oh, and it will cost you $300…

    Hello? She was three! I’m happy to say she can now sit and eat without being a total spaz (sort of) There. Saved myself $300.

    Who decided all kids must fit into the same boring mold anyway?

    I really should have thought this whole having children thing. A donkey would have been much easier.

    • dufmanno

      I know. Though I find it comical that I would expect my kids to be any less crazy than I am. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree at my house. A donkey sounds like a fantastic idea right about now!

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