When I’ m not out communing with and befriending various woodland creatures I often find myself helping others to become awesome. This usually involves me giving poor advice to young children (my own) or making ill-advised suggestions to gullible friends who follow my lead down a path that’s littered with discarded dreams and dead bodies. In reality, my unsolicited ramblings haven’t caused anyone’s demise just yet, but the sprinkling of these nuggets are like sugar laced with arsenic. So sweet and funny upon first taste but proving more and more deadly when consumed in larger quantities. No one likes a ding bat and everyone hates an idiot.
I’ve doled out so much potentially harmful misinformation over the years that my friends refer to me as a human encyclopedia of non facts. That’s why I’ve decided that from now on it’s time to think before I speak and actually use Websters (or at least Google) to see if words actually exist before I use them. My plan is to try to become a somewhat respected adult type person before the dawn of 2011. That way, when the world explodes into a fiery nightmare and the horsemen of the apocalypse are riding at full clip down your block in 2012, I will be better prepared to say I wasn’t a complete waste of time and space.