Sweet Victory


Yes, I’ve just returned from holiday shopping at Target three days prior to Christmas. And yes, it would have been less of a hassle to stab myself in the aorta and then have gone for open heart surgery to repair the extensive damage but I was determined to make it through despite the obvious drawbacks of shopping this close to the holiday. The store looked a lot like what I would imagine most retailers would suffer after being looted post Armageddon and I did nearly open a can of New York whoop ass on a few surly shoppers but I got what I went for and no one lost a limb or a life so I called it a victory.

After grabbing an expensive bribery item for my youngest to hold for the duration we glided like silk through the maze of crooked carts and venom spitting bargain hunters. This is what I promise myself I won’t do EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Nothing last-minute. I want to be done by the end of August. Sure.

I just re-read this post and it gave me a headache.

Have a happy holiday.



Filed under 1, have a happy holiday, holiday shopping last minute, mind reeling from too much to do

6 responses to “Sweet Victory

  1. You know they have this thing called the innerweb, where you can shop for shit online and then they actually mail it to you in the mail all mail-like and shit. You should try it. You don’t have to deal with a single flesh and blood human through the whole ordeal. It’s great for the misanthropes among us.


  2. dufmanno

    Next year I am ALL OVER that! Well, provided I order everything on time.

  3. That picture alone was enough to induce migraine level waves of nausea. I chicken out and just print out pictures of the gifts I intend to get people when I’m less lazy and it’s warm again.

    • dufmanno

      That is pure genius. If freakin’ “Santa” didn’t have to make a jaw dropping showing here every year, I’d just assume cancel the whole thing and swing on a hammock. (on a tropical beach of course)

  4. The Last Post

    That looks really chaotic, I live in quite a small village but I have never before seen so many people out shopping this evening. I don’t know where they all came from or what they were buying come to that we only have a handful of shops.

    I enjoyed shopping in the Christmas of 2006, my niece was still in a pram and they make an excellent battering ram and trolley for putting presents in. Taking care not to squash said niece of course 🙂

    This may sound a really stupid question but what is New York whoop ass?

    I would just like to end by wishing you and your family a magical Christmas and a peaceful new year.

  5. dufmanno

    New York whoop ass is a magical brand of violent beat down reserved for those who push the boundaries of decency. Having been born and raised in New York I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything as scary. Lots of pointing, screaming and “talk to the hand” type gesturing. Not very pretty actually.
    My mom does it a LOT.
    Merry Christmas!

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