The Stroke

 

Happy Holidays!

Tonight we will be attending the 7th annual presentation of the kids Christmas spectacular. Over the years this loose interpretation of the birth of Jesus has seen some weird adaptions. Modern newspaper reporting from the manger(a la Gore Vidal’s “Live From Golgotha”), Scrooge meeting up with the three wise men, modern-day carolers fending off people who try to take religion out of Christmas. We’ve seen it all. Not even the historic inaccuracies, all sorts of continuity problems or straight up heresy can prevent us from enjoying ourselves.  However, when I heard the plan of action for my daughters fifth grade class, I did stop and look up with concern. Apparently, they are going to be making an appearance as rapping sheep.  That’s right. They have been instructed to wear (and I’m quoting now people) “bling” “a grill” “giant clock necklace” (this could only have come from the brain of someone who is a regular watcher of “Flava of Love” because you KNOW none of her teachers is a Public Enemy fan) and of course a fluffy sheep costume.

This is doomed to fail almost as fantastically as the routine my 6th grade class did in the holiday talent show where we performed a naive rockettes style kick dance, complete with santa hats to “The Stroke” by Billy Squier while horrified parents and onlookers sat there helpless and unable to stop it. I don’t know what was more endearing, the fact that we didn’t have any idea what the lyrics meant or that our parents stayed completely silent about it for years afterward. Merry Christmas.

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6 Comments

Filed under 1, billy squier, kids christmas play, the stroke

6 responses to “The Stroke

  1. Somebody call Michael Steele, he’ll get y’all in touch with yo ghetto selves in no time.

    No, seriously, this is “sheer” lunacy.

    Get it? Sheer? Sheep sheer? Like when you sheer a sheep? You know?

    Well, at least Billy Squier wasn’t gay on top of everything else.

    Peace,
    Shannon

    • I always thought Billy Squire *was* gay, but apparently, he’s not. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or not. I just hate it when long-held assumptions are disproven.

      Peace,
      Shannon

  2. The Last Post

    Oh the joys of the annual school Christmas play. I thought over the years I had seen and when at school performed in all sorts of weird shows but rapping sheep?

    You have to admit it is original.

  3. dufmanno

    You know, we just returned and it wasn’t half bad. Billy Squier was a rockin’ guy on top of the charts until they shot that video of him skipping through an artsy loft in a pink outfit (this actually happened) and his reputation was ruined. Not sure if he’s gay or not but he had long luxurious ringlets of superstar hair that I wanted to call mine.

  4. My brothers tell a similar tale of my 8, 10, and 12 year old cousins performing a dance routine to “Afternoon Delight” at a family reunion. Yum.

  5. dufmanno

    Ooooo. “Afternoon Delight” , now that kind of song destroys whole families, never mind Billy and his “Stroke” nonsense. I was going to call him a one hit wonder but then I did extensive research and between Google and Wikipedia found out he had no less than four hugely successful albums and like fifteen hit singles! I think my brain re-wrote history to make him seem less important.

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