Tonight we will be attending the 7th annual presentation of the kids Christmas spectacular. Over the years this loose interpretation of the birth of Jesus has seen some weird adaptions. Modern newspaper reporting from the manger(a la Gore Vidal’s “Live From Golgotha”), Scrooge meeting up with the three wise men, modern-day carolers fending off people who try to take religion out of Christmas. We’ve seen it all. Not even the historic inaccuracies, all sorts of continuity problems or straight up heresy can prevent us from enjoying ourselves. However, when I heard the plan of action for my daughters fifth grade class, I did stop and look up with concern. Apparently, they are going to be making an appearance as rapping sheep. That’s right. They have been instructed to wear (and I’m quoting now people) “bling” “a grill” “giant clock necklace” (this could only have come from the brain of someone who is a regular watcher of “Flava of Love” because you KNOW none of her teachers is a Public Enemy fan) and of course a fluffy sheep costume.
This is doomed to fail almost as fantastically as the routine my 6th grade class did in the holiday talent show where we performed a naive rockettes style kick dance, complete with santa hats to “The Stroke” by Billy Squier while horrified parents and onlookers sat there helpless and unable to stop it. I don’t know what was more endearing, the fact that we didn’t have any idea what the lyrics meant or that our parents stayed completely silent about it for years afterward. Merry Christmas.