The “B” Family Philosophy

Exactly how great is the “B” family? Let me tell you all about it. People cling to the hems of their smart fitting skirts in hopes that some of that greatness will waft over them making them as vital and spectacular. They come from miles around just to see them split the atom for fun on slow days. I remember hearing from mutual friends that it was time to write yet another fabulous cover story on the “B” family and their exploits in the Amazon Rain forest.  Portraits depicting the “B” family members hang in important galleries the world over and are gaped at daily by the common people. The “B” family doesn’t care much for politics or world matters, they only understand things that relate to their legacy and extraordinary gifts. The “B” family is matriarchal and therefore able to rid itself of any undesirable breeding material, which usually means all men. All males deemed worthy for reproductive purposes are systematically disposed of afterward. The “B” family can exact revenge in a way that most mortals wouldn’t even dream of. With the “B” family at the helm, no ship will ever crash. When it comes to all things green, you are more likely to find a “B” family member emptying a can of aquanet directly into the atmosphere while standing atop a pile of freon leaking 50’s refrigerators, than recycling. Besides being eternally young and lovely, the “B” family smells like warm vanilla beans and christmas trees all year round. People in the “B” family know their physical limits and adhere to a rigorous nap schedule to  conserve their energy. When it comes to personal relationships, the “B” family rarely ventures outside their gates, but when they do the results are usually short lived and leave the outsider feeling poisoned.

No, I am not a member of the “B” family but I wouldn’t venture too close to this clan without my body armor and a full set of defensive tactics.


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Filed under odd behavior, powerful families, weird people

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