Open Letter to the Lady Who Told Me I Was Doing it all Wrong

Stop. Just stop right now. While I fully understand that most tasks I complete or leave half finished are not correct, it’s also the way I do things. While idling away in obscurity, I found a simple peace and I was okay with that. Why did you feel the need to jar me so abruptly out of my warm snuggly corner with such harsh words? You are as bad as the old lady in Giant that caused the Parmesan sprinkle cheese incident..no actually you are WORSE. Why? Because you aren’t even over sixty, you don’t even have anything to be cranky about! I’ve already got a brutal soul crushing critic, I call her mom. She’s excellent at her job and she’s annoyed that you are creeping in on her territory. How did I become the lucky recipient of your “constructive advice”? Clearly I must be projecting the idea that I’m a sniveling milquetoast since you decided to come right up out of the blue and sucker punch me right in the vagina. See, how angry you’ve made me? Due to an extensive Catholic School education I cannot even utter the V word and now I’ve gone and typed it. You are a real killjoy lady.  Unsolicited tips from inauspicious origins aren’t usually welcome.  I will await your mea culpa.

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Filed under bad advice, mean people

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