Following the slow progression of the destruction of all my dreams, I wondered how in the world it got to this point. I have the misfortune of being moderately talented in a number of areas. I take a good picture, but thousands of professionals have shamed me into never showing anyone my lame attempts. I can write a decent sentence, but real writers consistently take the piss out me by highlighting my inferior prose. I can draw with some degree of accuracy but whither when put up against the big boys. Some say it’s better to have half baked ideas than none at all. But what do you do when other people steal your dreams (or in this case your half baked potato)? And even worse, what do you do when they receive accolades and praise for a job NOT well done after taking your idea and making it their own?
I had this strange phenomenon occur in my own life and spent the better part of a month just shaking my head and saying “it couldn’t possibly be so”. How could everything I’d ever expressed an interest in or shown talent for suddenly be something that someone else was doing and in the same order I had shown an aptitude for these things- this dream swiper was following suit . Now, when ever I try to use the power of my mind to destroy someone it seems as though it serves only to make them more powerful, popular and successful. A sort of revenge backfire, if you will. What could I be doing wrong?
I’ve not taken leave of my senses. I understand that there are more than a few people walking the planet who are able to write, doodle and take a photograph well but I think if I pull away the outer layer I will find that my disillusionment is based solely in fear. Clearly I’m not the first person nor the last to show a flair for certain things but my contract with the guy who doles out bone crushing defeat is iron clad. I was raised by the world renowned “Can’t family”. I remember the paralyzing fear of mediocrity while my parents talked me out of submitting a nearly finished portfolio to the art school of my choice. “Kelly”, they said with pleading eyes “there are people who are the best artists in the world and they still can’t get a job, pick something practical would you?” It was an easy call. I was lazy by nature and they were paying for it after all. Path of least resistance, taken.
I sometimes wonder if I would have lasted surrounded by all that raw talent and true promise. The genuinely gifted sometimes serve as inspiration for those of us who ride their coattails, I’m sure I would have muddled my way through or perhaps even found a way to get better. As for those we imagine as thieving our innermost desires (you know who you are) and the things we wanted for ourselves? I guess, there is more than enough room here for everyone to flex their muscles without crowding each others artistry. All noteworthy contributions eventually get their due and sometimes big-hearted gets the upper hand on the bitter pill.