Sort of like this but minus the cougar and with more frothing at the mouth.
Today I was brushing my teeth and staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
At first this was an exercise in hilarity for the simple-minded as I was giving myself a real run for my money by pretending I was a rabid dog and making the proper growling noises for such a game.
When I tired of my Cujo inspired lunacy I noticed that the lady that had waxed my eyebrows gave me a Salvador Daliesque arched type job that made me appear slightly cartoonish with a quizzical air that made me look like I was perpetually saying “oh REALLY?” before the pretend question mark appeared in the cloud bubble.
It’s not very flattering and all I could think of was the scene in Delores Claiborne where arch villan and über bitch Vera Donovan uses her tightly pulled face and evil raised brow to impart the most chilling wisdom ever dished out on film. “An accident, Delores, can be an unhappy womans best friend”
Anyway, I have a series of winter hats that will easily cover this eyebrow mishap until my next run in with hot wax and rushed technicians but for now I’m off to find some outdoor Christmas lights that can properly compete with my neighbors newfound enthusiasm for the holiday.
This morning I started summer off with the type of surreal activities that Salvador Dali would find impressive.
I awoke, covered in sweat after a fantastically David Lynchesque night packed with dreams where I was giving birth to twins several times over with different results on each attempt (boy boy, girl girl, boy girl, monkey giraffe, etc) and planning parties that were scheduled to take place on the same day at the same hour.
You would think that I’d have lightened up on the social activities during labor.
Then, after waking and beginning my morning routine, I managed to drop my keys in the rock bottom of an outside garbage can completely encrusted in white squirming maggots.
The kind that fill your nightmares.
After tipping the can over and essentially crawling in to retrieve them I cannot shake the sensation that I am now covered with the white flesh-eating menace.
A full body and key bleach session later I can still honestly say that passing through several circles of hell would have been easier and more pleasant smelling.
Then my kitchen clock started melting down the wall and dripping onto my floor while a cyclops played the harp and wept.
Okay, I made up that last bit, but still give me a fucking break already.
Now I’m off to rid my car of a weekends worth of wet sandy sticky towels and clothes that resulted from a fantastic Saturday on Gibson Island courtesy of friends of ours that have family there.
Happy first day of summer!!!!!