There are days that I feel so absolutely shitty that there seems to be only one surefire way to elevate my mood and crack my funk cloud – a trip to the golden arches for a piping hot egg McMuffin.
It requires effort and skill to come skidding in under the breakfast menu cutoff time after a two-hour roundtrip school drop off but the culinary nirvana reached after taking that first bite makes it all worthwhile.
Eggs, cheese, ham, all cooked in a perfect little circle to slide beautifully inside the english muffin capsule can make or break my day.
It was during a mad dash to acquire one (ok two) of these life affirming gems that I found myself face to face with the most overwhelmingly enthusiastic McDonald’s employee I’ve ever seen.
I was temporarily stunned as he leaned out of this little drive through window to make sure I had a firm grip on my prized bag of food while looking deep into my eyes and said, “You make sure to have a very good day” with the kind of depth, sincerity and overt sexuality that only rock stars and very good actors possess.
My smooth ways and good looks are for disarming customers
It was right then and there I realized that some people miss their calling.
Suddenly I pictured Antonio Banderes stuck behind the counter of Z Burger calling out order numbers and submerging another vat of fries into the boiling oil while daydreaming about what could have been.
I wanted to shake this mesmerizing employee by his manly shoulders and scream “get out of here, run away to Hollywood, don’t give up, you have what it takes!” but then the heavenly aroma of my food temporarily stunned me into silence and all I could think about was inhaling the eggy goodness in record time.
So Don Juan, another time I will summon the energy and courage it takes to get out of the car in my pajamas and I’m going to march right in there and INSIST you don’t let that god given talent go to waste.
