Tranny Nanny

I babysit!

We here in the nation’s capital are a pretty open-minded bunch. 

 Probably because we get to see so many interesting things in a day.
 

Obama, big impressive monuments, culturally diverse neighborhoods, nincompoops waving signs with the date of the end times, etc.
 

But today I saw something that really made me smile.
 

I confess that as I sat at the traffic light waiting to cross Connecticut Ave. I beheld a most unusual sight. 

It was a cross dressing nanny, toddlers in tow.  One tyke in her push cart and the other slightly older sibling holding on tight to his caretakers hand.
 

Well let me rephrase that. It could have been a cross dresser, a transvestite or an enormous hairy woman with an obviously protruding adams apple.
 

I don’t know if it was the hairy legs, the stiletto heels or the sparkly blouse and over the top wig but she was a long lean baby sitting machine. 

The tranny nanny. 

She really was spectacular. 
“How” you may ask “do you know that those weren’t her/his kids?”
 

Well people, I thought about that until a woman, who appeared to be their mother, stepped off a metro bus at the corner and walked toward the toddlers with open arms.
 

I need to get this kind of stuff out of my head and directly to  the computer  or it just festers there and I spend the better part of my day thinking about the fabulously dressed manny. 

So anyway, I took this a sign of progress and wanted to interject a little sparkle &  pizzazz into your day so that you  can be on the lookout for elaborate and unusual case scenarios in your city or neighborhood.

You never know, you could turn around tomorrow and find yourself in a courtroom facing a yeti lawyer or laid up in the hospital explaining symptoms to carnies or other assorted circus folk.

Shower Musings

Clear your mind.

Funny, the place where the strangest things filter through my mind and fly wild tangent like through all those formerly idle channels is the shower. First there is the scalding hot water and the blank canvas. The only time during the entirety of my day where all is erased and the knotted muscles in my neck begin to relax enough so that my shoulders can come down from near my ears. I suppose that all the day-to-day rigors of life lived with three offspring, two dogs and a husband can make you unable to process many of the winding stream of conciousness like ramblings that your brain wants to flesh out. They are pushed into the dark recesses waiting for an opportunity to show their stuff.
Here is an example of a rambling non stop thought that started while I began shampooing and ended when I stepped out into the steam filled tiled oasis.

“Wow, Athens rewind-It’s amazing what rock stars can get away with. They can stroll around town in a get up that is essentially pajamas with a cardigan sweater added for warmth and they are flexing their “artsy” muscle. Anyone else trying to pull off this look is usually categorized as “disturbed” and carted off quickly to whatever cardboard box or shelter the town keeps filthy vagrants in………Where is Norm MacDonald? If not for him we never would have known that there was a job lower on the corporate ladder rung than crack whore- assistant crack whore…….Can we just talk about the unparalleled joy of visiting day? This mostly unnecessary yearly ritual involves, the parents sitting through a typical school day with our tots ending with the ear-splitting screams of the children as we try to separate and disengage at 11:00 am for a quick coffee break down the street….Man why did I have to be raised by the world-renowned defeatist ”the can’t clan”. We are so paralyzed by our fear of mediocrity that we refuse to even try at all….Never have I met a family more complicit in its systematic destruction of its own members….Remeber the terror of playing with lawn darts? You knew that one slip up or having your attention diverted for a micro second could result in body parts impaled or death- especially if you had the neighborhood sociopath on the opposite team…..That’s a less than sterling recommendation for that particular unconventional parenting style- just look at that kid!……Shazam! Time to put in the conditioner……I wonder why someone would be so hell-bent on denying everyone a little comic relief, I thought that bit was risqué but definitely a knee slapper….The times they are a changin’- the number of Versace clad co-ed’s on that campus rendered me nearly speechless ( full vocal cord removal is needed to make me completely without the ability to comment). I do recall any number of hooded sweatshirts and athletic shorts rotating through my college wardrobe- most of it grabbed out of the dirty laundry pile fermenting in the far corner of my dorm room- but no designer duds…..Crakatoa! That was just the right degree of lunacy to put THAT argument up into the stratosphere”…..AND….WATER OFF…..

I emerge feeling cleansed, both body and mind. Having raced down here with a towel turban and newly scrubbed cheeks (thank you face loofah) I believe I managed to get most of that ADHD nightmare into this post. Clearly most people will see what is frighteningly clear in the way I live my life and manufacture thoughts. No consistency, inability to finish anything, disorganization, lack of filter, lack of quality and no focus.  Also, I am aware that I had to massacre all rules of writing and apologize to those grammar and style lovers that are now cringing at that hatchet job. Now on with my day!!!!!