Entire Cast of Two Popular Franchises Attacked by Frustrated Unicorns

In a shocking turn of events this past week numerous cast members of the wildly popular series Twilight and True Blood were injured in an unprecedented assault by deadly unicorns.

Feeling slighted by their cruel exclusion from the recent craze of adapting  tales about mythical creatures into popular movies and long running critically acclaimed series, incensed unicorns impaled large groups of stunned actors on various film sets.

The shocking attack, caught on a security camera, shows enraged horned creatures storming the locations and destroying everything in their paths including props, vehicles and most frighteningly confused thespians.

The employees of craft services were miraculously unharmed.

The chaotic scene was made all the more eerie by the shrill braying and what sounded like snide comments about Rainbow Brite.
A unicorn representative told news agencies that he was not surprised by the ferocious nature of the attack citing many examples of abuse and embarrassing slights the horned animals had endured over the years. Saying simply that the creatures had reached their limit.

Okay, so this didn’t really happen but I’m so SICK of talking about myself lately I had to make something up. Unicorns aren’t even my thing, they are more up Elly’s alley but since Bigfoot, Werewolves, Vampires, Elves and Wizards seem to be popping up all over the place with their own starring vehicles I felt unicorns would be riled up enough to satisfy their appetite for destruction.

Two things need discussing today.

One is the world is creeping closer and closer to the fate predicted by one Kyle Reese in one of my all time favorite films. The Terminator wasn’t just entertainment people, it was a warning.

http://www.pcworld.com/article/205323/artificial_eskin_may_soon_let_robots_feel.html?tk=rss_news

Hmmm. Artificial skin that can let robots FEEL. Did you get that? Read it again and discuss your emergency plans among yourselves. Underground bunkers and stockpiling firearms with ammunition never sounded more sane. ATF, I’m joking, please don’t pay me a visit.

Second, my buddy Sandrine tagged me with five questions she needed answered under penalty of death so I happily obliged even though it’s still TALKING ABOUT MYSELF.

1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have and why?
Somewhere along the line, I’ve answered this one before so I’m sure to contradict myself. I’m going
to say the power of flight since I’ll go ahead and assume it’s probably awesome. Plus my hair looks
great when it’s windswept.

2. Who is your style icon?
Anna Wintour, because that is the correct answer for anyone not wanting to be destroyed
by the lightning she shoots from her fingers.

3. What is your favorite quote?

Time is a great teacher but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?
I don’t get many compliments. I’m serious.

5. What playlist/cd is in your CD player /iPod now?
The Police on my iPod and The Pixies on my car CD player.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?
Night owl. I hate mornings.

7. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
I like both but we have a few family members who are deathly allergic
to felines so our two dogs will have to do.

8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?
HA! There is NO meaning whatsoever. I just made up a word that
included some of my last name and that was it. Pattypunker, feels
that perhaps I should change it to The Subdued Anchorwoman?

Now I’m supposed to tag people but I’m going to go rogue here and
decline to follow that rule.

Ready or Not, Here Comes a Thought

In lieu of the customary traditional Sunday night wrap up post I’m going to offer up a strange mish mash of unrelated events that took place during this weekend and attempt to string them together without sounding as if I’ve come unglued. 

Footie the sock with real emotions. 

If you own a pair of socks in my house chances are that I’m wearing them right now. I have a terrible habit of grabbing my husbands work socks before he can catch me so I can run into the bathroom undetected to quickly put them on. 

When his run out I go  rummage through the kids clean laundry. 

So imagine my surprise as I pulled on a pair of what appeared to be perfectly normal foot coverings only to see this staring back at me. 

Hmmmm.

Apparently Footie, as I like to call him, is capable of changing moods depending on the time of day and how long he is worn. For the first couple of hours he appeared to be in absolute agony, but then I took off my boots later on and I think I discerned a bit of a smile. 

He seems to be saying "Ehhh?" but I think I see the corners of his mouth turning upward.

I know you might be asking why someone would keep this sock on their foot instead of  just throwing it out and finding a new one.  I’m really not sure how to answer that question except to say that I found him endearing in a bizarre foot fetish kind of way. Not sure if he is the result of a botched attempt at a hand puppet or a subtle threat from my family members but I love him anyway. 

Stewart Copeland has been on my mind quite a bit lately and I’m not sure why. 

You know this could totally work.

One of these days someone is going to look back at this guys life and declare that he would have made a great world leader. I know that I’d be a fervent advocate of his candidacy as would many like-minded folks. 

If you are not yet convinced of the viability of my plan consider this – Miles Copeland could be the Secretary of State. 

Consider me in. 

My new moisturizer makes my eyes water but my skin glow. 

What's that smell?

This week I took the battle against dry winter skin to a new level when I broke out the thick greasy hemp moisturizer and slathered it all over my body.  The smell coming from me was enough to get the whole family talking about how bizarre the combination of stale musty body odor mixed with motor oil is and how they shouldn’t be subjected to it when giving me a hug. 

When I pointed out how fresh and new my glowing skin looked, they didn’t seem to care much and asked if I could go back to the product that smelled like a creamsicle . For the record that would be the combo of the French Vanilla and mandarin orange creams I usually use. 

Few people are able to appreciate my struggle to get my skin to look like new baby’s ass. 

So again, a series of random thoughts that were so utterly predictable they ended up being a waste of time.  Who here seriously thought I would be able to connect these  weekend happenings in  a rare moment of lucidity? 

Certainly not me. 

**As a late addition to this post I’d like to reveal a bit of information I came across when doing research. Turns out my body cream is in fact heavy-duty FOOT CREAM for problem dry cracked tootsies. I’m an idiot but my skin is still glowing**