I Suspect the Kids Might Actually Be Doing These Things On Purpose

 

Probably the last thing I'll ever see.

Sometimes I get the unnerving feeling that my kids are out to get me.

Not the usual my kids are sucking the marrow from my bones and I have not one iota of energy or sense of self left to keep me alive type of getting me.

This is malice aforethought.

I’ll site you some random examples from the last few days.

1) When a pollster for Adrian Fenty arrived at my door to ask me if he could count on my support during the upcoming election, I felt a gentle shove from behind pushing me over the threshold onto the front porch. Then I heard the distinct dreaded sound of the door locking behind me. No matter how hard I smashed on the windows or how loud I screamed, I wasn’t getting in.

2) They spent the better part of an hour-long road trip  throwing dangerous projectiles inside the car. Several times I thought they had enough velocity to smash out the front windshield. After a dressing down they decided to make the sound of the little boy from The Grudge for the rest of the ride fraying what was left of my two very unstable nerves.

3) My boys were playing whack a mole with bowling pins and various household objects until we refocused them on something less destructive where they sent a small furry stuffed animal back and forth on the floor. Much better right?

Wrong.

They decided this furry mammal was a beaver and kept smashing it with the bowling pins screaming “BEAVER SHOT!” at the top of their lungs. My husband and I were paralyzed with fear unsure if we were being baited or if it really was an innocent mistake.

Tranny Nanny

I babysit!

We here in the nation’s capital are a pretty open-minded bunch. 

 Probably because we get to see so many interesting things in a day.
 

Obama, big impressive monuments, culturally diverse neighborhoods, nincompoops waving signs with the date of the end times, etc.
 

But today I saw something that really made me smile.
 

I confess that as I sat at the traffic light waiting to cross Connecticut Ave. I beheld a most unusual sight. 

It was a cross dressing nanny, toddlers in tow.  One tyke in her push cart and the other slightly older sibling holding on tight to his caretakers hand.
 

Well let me rephrase that. It could have been a cross dresser, a transvestite or an enormous hairy woman with an obviously protruding adams apple.
 

I don’t know if it was the hairy legs, the stiletto heels or the sparkly blouse and over the top wig but she was a long lean baby sitting machine. 

The tranny nanny. 

She really was spectacular. 
“How” you may ask “do you know that those weren’t her/his kids?”
 

Well people, I thought about that until a woman, who appeared to be their mother, stepped off a metro bus at the corner and walked toward the toddlers with open arms.
 

I need to get this kind of stuff out of my head and directly to  the computer  or it just festers there and I spend the better part of my day thinking about the fabulously dressed manny. 

So anyway, I took this a sign of progress and wanted to interject a little sparkle &  pizzazz into your day so that you  can be on the lookout for elaborate and unusual case scenarios in your city or neighborhood.

You never know, you could turn around tomorrow and find yourself in a courtroom facing a yeti lawyer or laid up in the hospital explaining symptoms to carnies or other assorted circus folk.