Category Archives: I’m a jerk!

I Wanna Know

Someone recently very kindly pointed out to me that blogs occasionally contain some personal information about the author and their daily lives. This voyeuristic quality apparently makes it fun to quietly watch them go about their business while getting a peek into their brain.

This of course was a nice but passive aggressive way to let me know that me and my life are not at all present in the things I write.

Sure, occasionally I like to fume over the mindless jaywalker who stepped into oncoming traffic while I was on the road or reveal the horrifying incident at the Chipotle that took place only hours after my young son learned that ladies did in fact have vaginas instead of wieners but for the most part I leave my day-to-day happenings at the doormat when I step over the WordPress threshold.

After so many years of working diligently to not be vulnerable, needy or a pain in somebody elses ass, I’d almost forgotten how brilliant it is to see a person write something stripped down and bare enough that it makes them look completely human.

I’m not exactly sure when vulnerability and truth fell so out of fashion in my mind but there are days when all this autonomous droning about impersonal subjects and flaunting my “independence” gets tedious.

To exert so much energy in opposition to what I really feel at times is exhausting. It’s a struggle that results in exactly what I don’t want.

More isolation.Less warmth.

Since I am slow to absorb the most basic changes in routine, I’ll need to marinate in this sea of change for a few hours before I can produce a worthwhile post on the terrible new development of vagrants shitting in my garage.

Seriously. It’s either a guy without access to indoor plumbing, an urban Yeti or a bear that’s escaped from the zoo.

23 Comments

Filed under foul language in preschool, crazy ramblings, am I doing anything right?, good smells bad smells, adversity, buffoonery, excuses, I complain too much, I can't spell, i like to pretend, I'm a hack, I need to get an original thought, I'm a jerk!, hole in my life, I'm all over the map, getting it together, bad writing about nothing, crap shack, don't destroy my dreams, do this for me, I can't end a story OR a blog post, hidden grammar errors and bad writing, Back to basics, i said it was uncategorizable, a screw loose, I enjoy being inferior, I run fast, don't take a crap in my garage please, make it more personal, do you really have the time to read about my life

Good At Life

 

How does a buffet table equal life again? Oh yes, I'm a simple gal.

Maybe things in your world are going along swimmingly and then suddenly you get thrown the proverbial curve ball.

How you react to this monkey wrench probably says more about you than the sum total of your life thus far.

What would you think about me if I told you that yesterday I was feeling positively turgid for absolutely NO reason?

You would tell me to buck the fuck up and snap out of it wouldn’t you?

If you were my mother you’d embellish some story you saw on CNN news about Jimmy the poor little boy who lives alone under a Joshua tree because his entire family was eaten in  a  horrific manner by a lion pride while he watched and cried.  Then you would dare me to feel poorly and have a bad day, because SISTER- there is NO FUCKING WAY you’ve endured that kind of brutal life lesson.

Some people face real adversity. Abuse, neglect, sickness ,death; horrors most of us can’t even comprehend.

I wonder to myself how I would cope with a real genuine problem and  I thought back to my melt down earlier in the day when I failed to get the correct number of sugar spoonfuls  for my morning joe and I  decided to hang my head in shame.

I want to be good at life.

I want to suck the marrow from everyday with the same fierce determination I use to empty out the bottom of my strawberry frappacino with that giant  straw they give you.

Just the other day I listened to some guy talk about what a drag his wife was. He was one of those men who complained endlessly about what a bitter shriveled up old harpie she had become, not even comprehending that the poor girl never had an angry, bitter or unhappy day until she’d hitched her wagon to his train and her youth, vitality and joie de vivre had been thrown under the wheels. Crushed instantly.

I began to worry that I was turning into one of these people who don’t see super opportunities to LIVE passing them by.

Should I pet my dog more?

Play more with the kids?

Spend more time laughing, even if I have to fake it?

All I know is, as I sat there worrying that I wasn’t chowing down with enough vigor at the  buffet of life ,I realized that the crispy prawn appetizers are just the beginning and I need to calm down and not choke.

7 Comments

Filed under eat at the buffet, I'm a jerk!, why was i annoyed again