It's true!
Everybody loves kids right?
I mean they are sweet, innocent , endearing and wonderous.
Only a terminal asshole would fail to see the beauty in every precious little moment and treasure it.
TREASURE IT I SAY!
Except…what is that sound?
The nasal caterwauling that sounds like a combination of someone shaking an injured hawk and declawing a cat?
Is that even human?
Is that……….a child’s voice?
Okay, strike me down now but it was unbearable. I kept having to wrinkle my forehead (something my derm has told me in no uncertain terms NOT to do to remain youthful) and squint my eyes to ward it off.
Why I wasn’t covering my ears instead remains a mystery but I found myself temporarily confused and upset at the sound with no proper ideas on how to make it stop.
After recovering from being completely askew I took a moment to marvel at what an oddity it was.
Sickly sweet with cold metallic elements that grated on your nerves like steel on a chalkboard.
I kept tossing furtive glances over at the roll of duct tape I keep handy for emergencies but thought about that lawsuit and subsequent human element piece that would appear on cnn.com later during the trial.
The tale of the horrible woman who taped the mouth of a small child while others watched.
That is just not how I want to be remembered people.
Or you could just pass the duct tape on over to me and I can do the dirty work. People already think I am a hardened bitch when it comes to kids….let me prove them right!
Turns out I wasn’t the only one having issues with it. Several people pulled me aside this morning and asked if I noticed how unnerving it was.
Of course I didn’t let them in on the duct tape idea. I might save that for my own kids later this afternoon during the witching hour.
Fuck Bristol Palin and her douchey PSA’s. The best birth control on the planet is a Saturday afternoon in the toy aisle at your local Target or Walmart. *shudder*
My least favorite used to be the toddler that spends the entire five hour flight hanging over the seat in front of you playing pee a book for the duration.
I used to try and look busy with my US magazine but it never worked.
My kids tried that when we flew and I explained to them that the pilot would open the emergency hatch and toss them out if they didn’t adhere to every single FAA enforced rule. This included speaking to other passengers.